It would’ve remained merely a grounds keeping tool, had His Grace Iwatani not taken his son with him to a round of golf. Details are sketchy, but the rumor is that young Taro grew bored watching his father whacking at a ball with sticks, and went exploring. He discovered the machine behind the Caddy Shack, and took it for a joy ride.

What happened next is anyone’s guess, since all the eyewitnesses seem to have developed collective amnesia about that day. But the Club was closed for three months, and renovations to the Club’s buildings and grounds were funded with appropriations from the military research budget, during an emergency closed session of the Heads of Houses.

I used to think they were draconian and the English were enlightened, but I used to be young and naive. Now I know, semantics matters. Protecting language matters. 500 years from now, they should be able to read what we have written. It shouldn’t be a totally different language with a similar alphabet. God save the King’s English.