Guilded Age

Skyrim was my most anticipated game of 2011, and I couldn’t get to the store fast enough on launch day to snag my copy.

Unfortunately, I only own a PS3. Thus, my Skyrim experience has been a gimped, buggy mess for three months. The more I played, the worse the framerate stuttered. Eventually, it got to the point where it was less of an open-world, freeform RPG and more of a PowerPoint presentation on The Lord of the Rings. I’ve seen third-party N64 movie tie-ins that had a smoother framerate.

Though Bethesda acknowledged the PS3-exclusive memory issue, they released two patches which did nothing to fix the gamebreaking issue at hand (one patch actually added a slew of other bugs to the world of Skyrim. Awesome). Finally, 1.4 was released and returned the PS3 version to a playable state.

However, it didn’t take me long to run into several glitches that now prevent me from completing several quests. Ugh. For every hour of exciting gameplay, there’s usually another hour dedicated to replaying that previously exciting gameplay because some glitch just wrecked my shit. My Skyrim experience can be most succinctly summed up as, “two steps forward, one step back.”

After a while, it started to feel more like work than leisure.

I understand that a game of this scope and breadth is incredibly difficult to bug-test, but now that Todd Howard has flat out stated that Bethesda knew that there was a bug so egregious in the game that some users would be unable to play it, I’m over the whole deal. I’m over Skyrim. I’m over Bethesda. I’m just… over it.

Now, sure, I understand that the idea of delaying the launch of Skyrim for the PS3 in order to fix the bug wasn’t an option. It would cripple Zenimax’s bottom line, and would definitely injure their working relationship with Sony. The fall’s biggest game being held back at the eleventh hour… but only on PS3? Yeah. I can see why they didn’t go down that road.

I get that.

But how about full disclosure, Mr. Howard? How about getting the word out to potential PS3 consumers that the game they’re forking over sixty dollars for MAY NOT FUNCTION AS ADVERTISED? Why not be honest with the people who help keep you in business?

Sure, admitting that the game may not work correctly at launch may have caused several potential consumers to hold back on an immediate purchase, but they’d still have bought the game once the issue was ironed out.

But by NOT saying anything, Bethesda has just made me very nervous about buying any of their products in the future. I understand that Bethesda’s games usually have some bugginess, but never to the point of crippling the game. There was a three-month period where I couldn’t play a game I already paid for.

I gave you money for a video game, not for the opportunity to do your QA testing at my expense. My responsibility to your company begins and ends with me slapping money on a counter.

It’s not even the memory-glitch that pisses me off, it’s the fact that Bethesda knowingly foisted a broken product upon an unsuspecting public.

So, we’re through, Skyrim. You’re awesome… when you want to be. You’re immersive… until you glitch out. But playing you is like dating a biplolar chick. The highs are unforgettable… but, unfortunately, the lows are even more so. Trying to experience the best you have to offer has just become too trying.

So get your shit out of my spartment, you crazy, unstable slag. And leave the key on the table.

P.S. Real talk… I’ve been hooking up with this other chick, Amalur. She might not be as deep as you, or as pretty, or as interesting…

… but at least I know she makes good on her promises.

Also, I don’t have to worry about her trying to stab the shit out of me with a plastic spork because she didn’t take her meds. You so crazy, Skyrim.