No Means No, Molyneux
Now, it was bad enough when Peter Molyneux revealed the next Fable game to be a Kinect-driven, on-rails, uh, horse-pulled carriage… thing.
That wouldn’t feature swords. Or guns.
Or gameplay… probably.
The whole thing seemed viagra from canada like a bad joke. After years of making absurd promises as to what gameplay nuances would be included in the first three Fable games (and never coming through on a single one), now it was as if ol’ Pete was running headlong in the opposite direction entirely, and promising a Fable game with no gameplay nuances to speak of.
Molyneux initally claimed that the reason that he was removing the bread and butter of Fable’s combat system was due to “a lack of feedback.”
Unfortunately, it was only after I stood outside of Lionhead’s offices with a bullhorn, offering some feedback along the lines of “THIS WHOLE GAME IS A TERRIBLE FREAKING IDEA,” did I realize that that Molyneux was referring to “physical feedback.” More specifically, the idea that the Kinect sensor couldn’t provide a sense of resistance when swinging your sword into a Hobbes’ face.
Now, a lack of feedback didn’t seem to hinder the gameplay experiences of motion-controlled slashers like Red Steel 2 or TLoZ: Skyward Sword, but far be it from me to try to reason with the man who created the world’s first God Simulator/Animal Abuse Extravaganza.
In any case, Fable: The Journey still smacks of a terrible idea borne from a total ass.
But now, there’s Fable Heroes, a game that manages to make Fable: The Journey look like 2012’s front-runner for Game of the Year.
Leaked by a listing on the XBLA Marketplace, Fable Heroes is Lionhead’s attempt at one-upping Nintendo’s Mario Party series.
Let’s just… let that one sink in, for a second.
A human being (that, to my knowledge, is recognized as being legally sane) is actually attmepting to make a Mario Party-killer.
So… it’s official. Somebody needs to chain Molyneux to a radiator. The man has clearly lost his goddamned mind.
I mean, the Fable franchise has never been the most original, or the most memorable… but doesn’t it deserve just a modicum of respect from the folks who created it? Doesn’t it deserve just a little bit better than… this? Whatever the hell this game is supposed to be, anyway.
Now, listen, Molyneux… people may have liked the Fable games, but not to the point of froth-mouthed fervor… not to the point where they would buy games in which you’ve awkwardly shoehorned the Fable universe into bizarre genres.
Nobody wants an on-rails Fable, and nobody wants whatever this shit is. I’d leave it at that, Peter, but seeing as you’ve obviously gone 100% batshit, I’ll go ahead and make a list that you can use for future reference.
Nobody wants any of the following:
– A Fable kart-racer
– A Fable block-puzzle game
– An exclusively voice-controlled Fable text adventure (ONLY ON KINECT)
– Super Smash Fable
– A multiplayer-only Fable FPS…set in the future…for some reason
– A pseudo-sequel to Black & White set in the Fable universe (Lords of Fable: Slapping Monkeez)
– A Fable-themed coffee maker that plays The Scorpions’ greatest hits using Renaissance-era instruments (this seemed like a long shot, but you’re just so f*cking crazy…I felt the need to cover my bases)
I mean… I guess you could take another stab at making a decent Fable adventure, but…oh, wait. Somebody already did make a decent Fable adventure.
It’s called Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning.
So, just… just go sit in the corner, Pete. Sit in the corner and think about what made Populous so awesome.
You realise, of course, that Peter Molyneux is leaving Lionhead after wrapping up Fable Journey? So anything after that, it’s aallll…. whoever the hell else is involved there.
Oh, that should have come with a link for reference: http://kotaku.com/5890594/peter-molyneux-is-leaving-lionhead-studios-and-microsoft-will-finish-kinect-fable?tag=petermolyneux
“Molyneux is exiting both his position as the leader of Lionhead and his role as the creative head of Microsoft Studios Europe, which primarily consisted of overseeing Lionhead and Rare.”
For someone who presents such extravagant concepts, I didn’t expect him to be involved with Rare being relegated to Kinect Sports. Or does he not like people having ideas when they’re not his?
I spent so many minutes thinking I should pick a better fitting word that “extravagant”, and only right after I psot do I think of “outlandish”.
True, but whoever is heading up Lionhead following Molyneux’s departure (hopefully) won’t spend three-quarters of the development cycle running their mouth off to the press.
Not only were the design elements that Molyneux promised throughout the development of the three Fable games clearly unrealistic, they were elements that wouldn’t really have any meaningful effect on the gameplay.
Attention to detail is one thing, but seeing as he was developing an action/adventure game, it might have been more prudent to, you know, create a decent combat engine before trying to tackle the whole “plant a tree, and watch it grow” nonsense he was railing on about back in the Project Ego days.
It was getting to the point where I started to worry whether or not his next E3 presentation was going to focus on how Fable: The Journey had some kind of “realistic pubic-hair growth and physics” engine…
Hear hear! And syndicate. Electronic Arts retains the license to both of those though.
Oh, man…I totally forgot about Syndicate. I damn near lived at a friend’s house during the summer of ’94, Gauss gunnin’ the shit out of everything that looked at me funny, and taxing the hell out of everyone else.
Good times.
Imagine my delight when EA finally announced a reboot and, uh, threw out everything that was cool about the original in favor of making a mediocre FPS. Because we don’t have enough of those, at the moment.
Also, you’d just be toddling along, trying to line up a headshot and LENS FLARE. Try to sneak behind a enemy and OMG LENS FLARE. AND MORE LENS FLARE. ALL THE LENSES MUST FLARE AT ALL TIMES AT MAXIMUM FLARING LEVELS.
Um. Actually, I would play a Fable kart-racer. Otherwise, though, I agree with you.
Even I have to admit that’d be a hoot.