Annotated 6-8
I like this version of Bandit vs. Syr’Nj better, as it plays on some meatier character aspects. This is Bandit’s first one-on-one interaction with another Peacemaker as an ally, and Phil took it as an opportunity to hint at Guilded Age‘s big upcoming reveal. Bandit’s dialogue works for her as a character, but “Y’really take all this sirrusly, don’cha?” and its follow-up also sound like a gamer who’s just a little weirded out by the fact that the other gamers in the party never ever ever break character, even to use the bathroom.
Original versions of the last panel, later blended:
[Phil’s version]
GRAVEDUST
Have you noticed the general vacancy of the grounds?
BYRON
I have.
BYRON
Based on the loud and flawlessly executed chorus blasting from behind these doors, I’d say church is in session.
GRAVEDUST
Appropriate. We will be needing a miracle.
[T’s revision]
GRAVEDUST
Have you noticed the general vacancy of the grounds?
BYRON
Yeah, sounds like church is in session. That’s one loud chorus. Flawlessly executed, too. You gotta admire their enthusiasm.
GRAVEDUST
Must you?
All this blue and religious zealotry is giving me heavy Deadly Shadows flashbacks.
I got to admit, I never picked up on the foreshadowing. I was completely blindsided by the big gamer reveal.
The fact that she’s clearly still RPing – keeping up the ‘Bandit’ speech pattern, and acting put-upon, rather than eyerolling at her treating Frigg as a real person, not a character – certainly helps put this into the ‘hindsight only’ class of foreshadowing.
Phil’s version made Byron a bit much. It’s like instead of him being generally competent and hardened, he’s closeted savant. The revision makes it much better.
That combined versions is better than either version. Good job on that, a good example of “two heads better than one”.
Why does Syr’nj *say* “siiigh” (rather than her just doing it)? It doesn’t seem in character.
sigh