Annotated 22-3
John Waltrip often saved Phil or me from ourselves when the script didn’t quite make emotional sense. Example: panel 3 script here originally read, “The two of them glance at each other in a way that, flavored by just having fallen down a steep hill, would APPEAR to be mutual disgust and annoyance. Nevertheless, the alert reader should already be realizing that they’re not exactly racing to make good on their earlier threats to one another.”
Sounds okay, but I don’t think it’d play too well with the revelation on the page. These two are only playing at anger with each other, and there’s no reason to keep the pretense up now that they’re clearly out of sight.
This is a nice, reliable kind of intro. Show us the group, then show us the individual or individuals and striptease the way they differ from the group. A few readers guessed the secret these two had that superseded their loyalties to their individual armies, but everyone wanted to know more.
I still don’t quite get what’s being conveyed in panel 3, as it actually turned out, by their wide-eyed expressions at each other. Are they each surprised that they both made it down unscathed?
I read it more as “I can’t believe we pulled it off”.
Personally I probably would’ve seen it like that if they had checked if up first. To me, it’s like Minivet said “woah, we’re alive??”.
I read it more as “holy shit are we ok/did we make it out?” The look seems like it has more fear in it then awe in it to me.
A simple moment of apprehension: “Did it work?”