New Comics Every Weekday - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip
CONTEST UPDATE: If you want to try and amuse Phil enough to get free stickers, you have until next update! Congrats to winners so far:
Ladies and gentlemen, Frigg has frugg. And it is glorious.
I so love Frigg.
Well DAMN, Frigg.
Ah, thank you, Frigg, for that lovely mental picture. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at chess pieces the same again.
I won’t be able to watch Alice in Wonderland the same again.
wait. wasn’t that all about playing cards?
I think one book was about chess, another playing cards, and the movie kind of took a bit out of both.
Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. Whoo-ah!
A company in my town called “Bawdy Pantos” are putting on a show called “Alice in Underpants”. Softcore Rule #34.
i see your softcore porn and raise lesbian alice in wonderland anime “Miyuki-Chan In Wonderland”
your town wouldn’t happen to be hobart?
if you want the image of chess pieces ruined further, go read Faulty Logic.
Some of the pieces in the chess sets at my high school’s club had holes ripped in the bottoms by people who liked to stack the pieces. I always wondered about that queen. Now I know.
I suspect there’s already such a game in existence.
QUICK, TO THE MSPAINT!
I…. I’m not sure a sticker set would be worth the souls of those who were exposed to that horrific crack pairing of Frigg and a White Queen……
I don’t see how’s Frigg supposed to “fuck” the Reine Blanc being female and all. Unless they just kinda……scissor. Ya know?
Indeed. May Slaanesh forgive my mental lapse.
Jean-Luc, at that point you were supposed to say, “Make it so.”
If you’re gonna parade around that name and face we expect you to live up to it!
There’s more to me than catch phrases and sexual innuendos you know.
How’s Riker doin’ these days? Speaking of butt fucking and all.
When it comes to bustin’ pussy Riker’s “number one”. ;)
*DISCLAIMER* Although I would LOVE to claim this as original, it is not mine. This was posted many moons ago on a forum that shall remain unnamed (unless the bribe is large enough) by a dear friend who is no longer with us. I felt it was appropriate, though, so without further ado:
I can deeply understand your need for two chicks to slam some clam. However, it just can’t happen. Two cootchies don’t work. I want you to stick your arms out in front of you palms down. Now, without turning your wrists make fists with both hands. Bump your fisted hands together. Bump! Bump! Bump! Makes a sound, but nothing is getting acheived. Okay… do you see what I’m telling you? Your fists are like two clams…slammin’ against each other.
Although a Yodel in the Valley does please most women… some women enjoy penetration… EVEN after an amazing lick-a-thon… they need that warm flesh, hard, rubbery love wand. Key word: WARM FLESH!. Unfortunately a Strap-On doesn’t quite do it. So… I suggest that if you have ANY hope for a girl on girl fantasy coming true, your best bet to get it to happen is offer some schlong in the mix.
your dear friend was a man, i take it.
I disagree with your friend. He writes from the point of view that lesbians are dissatisfied with their love lives, and that even they require a man to be in their somewhere. Otherwise, they would feel incomplete.
Most of the sensation is in the clitoris-a part of the female genitalia that doesn’t require a shaft at all. In fact, some women are actually more capable of coming to orgasm after clitoral stimulation than after internal(that is, after oral rather than full on penetration), and that’s part of why foreplay is important.
Regardless of that, a dildo or vibrator is quite capable of satisfying a woman if she decides she wants penetration. They can be made to feel fleshy, and if need be, I’m sure it’s not impossible to make them warm; Such sex toys are able to imitate the penis, can be shaped in such a way as to provide more pleasure, and in the case of vibrators they can stimulate the clitoris better during penetration than any living penis is capable of.
In short, your friend is (was?) a sexist douche who should have done some more research.
TLDR Version: Dongs are semen dispensers first and urinators second. As effective sex toys they’re a distant third.
You just made my little buddy sad, he already has self-esteem problems, he may not be what ladies who love ladies are looking for, but once you get to know him he’s a stand-up guy.
Yar, with opinions as foolish as his be, he deserved any self-esteem isssues he may have garrnarr’d.
In all actuallitee, it be likely that he be not so pathetic a landlubber as he were previously made out ta be. I apologize if my words caused him any, arr, “emotional damage”.
Here’s the thing that gets me. Your friend used an analogy involving fists, and yet couldn’t think of a body part one woman could use to penetrate another woman?
Rule 34 gentlemen… now we wait.
Challenge accepted alt-text.
Except for the specific inclusion of Frigg, I suspect D L Brown (chess problem composer and, often NSFW, chess cartoonist) probably did it years ago.
I declare Locke winner.
Bandit and Dusty, full points.
Frigg, full points.
Half points for Byron and Syr’nj.
September 22, 2010 at 2:07 am | Reply
I’ll see that bet and raise you the following:
Splande is, after much suspense and a couple crazy plans, dealt with peacefully, but only after much bickering between Gravedust and Bandit, after which the Bandit earns Dust’s trust. (Whoops, rhyme.)
Syr’nj (Damn that hard to spell punny name) and Byron end up helping Frig dress up nicely and prepare for the meeting. She ends successfully learning to act all fancy, only for, in the end, for it to be revealed that the gnomes like her brutish, uncouth behaviour more. Oh, and, of course, while she’s at the meeting, Syr’nj and Byron go on that awkward first date. But Byron’s not oblivious, it’s just that neither of them know how to express themselves romantically.
Bandit hasn’t really earned Dusty’s trust, Frigg didn’t successfully act fancy, and gnomes didn’t particularly enjoy her violating something they find psuedo-sacred.
The date was pretty awkward, though, with the near murder…
Naw, man, I was off on Frigg. They didn’t like her behaviour, they just couldn’t retaliate against the brute force of her troll logic. They were all talk. Bandit hasn’t yet, but I bet probably still will, earned Dusty’s trust. But why do I get half points on Byron and Syr’nj? I mean, come on, who’s awkward first date didn’t involve evil cults and attempted murder-by-brainwashed-friend… Okay, maybe I just have an odd love life.
Anywho, thanks for the recognition, man, but I am afraid that I do not deserve to win this contest of the internets. Maybe some other time. I bet if I rhyme my predictions, they’ll be more on target.
Why d’ye think oracles are always in rhyme?
I bet some fortune teller in England in 1770 came up with,
“The glorious Colonies in America,
To the King be a pain in the ass-a”
I’m not positive that Gravedust and Bandit are done with their mission yet.
Frigg: The sexiest incarnation of the schoolyard bully EVER.
Frigg, knowing that she could never win legally, decided to bend the rules to the point that they would break down and deal. That has to be the greatest strategy Frigg has ever come up with!
Frigg’s face in the second panel makes me think of the old Chuck Jones’ Rikki-Tikki-Tavi cartoon.
I loved that as a kid.
That expression is 100% the grinch.
Chuck jones influence ftw.
I was thinking Grinch too.
I got the sense that from the front, that face is more like this: Not my image.
You asked for it!
yeah, can’t argue with that.
You, sir, win at life. Forever.
Needs more moe.
Fixed a small mistake, here it is…
Hmmmmm… not quite as graphic as I had hoped, but still! You were first, and so you win.
Send your address to email@example.com and I will send you your stickers.
AN ADDITIONAL STICKER-SET FOR BEST IN SHOW!
I’ll keep that in mind for any other photoshop challenges that are thrown down.
… Er, did you take that picture down? Not that I care, or anything, I mean, I just clicked the link out of curiousity and thought that you should know that it’s no longer up just in case you didn’t remove it yourself. Yeah. I have no personal interest in the matter. Totally.
I think this calls for some Jefferson Airplane:
When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you’ve just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow
Go ask Alice
I think she’ll know
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen’s “off with her head!”
Remember what the dormouse said;
“Keep YOUR HEAD!”
(cough) I’ll be in my bunk…
Oh dear, she violates one of my favourit games. Why Frigg, why?!?
Ok, i off now, searching for a massive wall to hit my head against it to get lose of THAT mental image…
I know, I need to go find some brain bleach :(. Chess is tough to play when that mental image is called up every time you play.
Fuck yes Frigg is not only badass but also hot. Wooohh!
so when Frigg said ‘White Queen’ who else suddenly had an image of Frigg with Emma Frost?
Just a quick sketch, I may ink and colour it later.
Send your address to firstname.lastname@example.org and you will receive your sticker pack in the mail.
And the pawn has to watch, that is … I don’t know what that is.
Nice touch though.
Tailsteak reads this comic?
Now that’s a blast from the past.
I’ll be in my bunk.
Hrm. Not even second, dangit.
Chess 360. Now with realistic physics!
Deal w/it, nrds.
what’s the time limit on best in show? I’m not going to get an art chance until tomorrow evening :D
Do it anyway and if I like it enough I’ll send you stickers also?
This is rather informal, and I am basically giving stickers to the ones I like best.
Okay, waaay more graphic than I usually draw.
Oh yah… if you like it, I’ll ink it and shade it for you.
When I first saw this i thought, “look, she’s doing the white queen on a washer and dryer (closer examination revealed this was untrue) on a chess board” and then thought… doesn’t this seem a bit anachronistic? One imaginary character is boning another and I’m worried about time appropriate appliances.
maybe it’s more obvious shaded:
Send your address to email@example.com and I will send you a sticker pack, my good man.
wait, that’s the image the alt-text was talking about, right?
No, it isn’t, but it’s a good image anyway. Not nearly perverted enough, though.
There, did an inked and coloured version:
So many people retreating to their “bunks”.
I see a lot of white queen boning but very little “begging for more.” I think that violates the spirit of the competition… then again, hasn’t there been enough violating already?
Well, I like to think it’s in the body language.
Upon further inspection, I’m inclined to agree. She doesn’t look like she’s having very much fun. Looks kind of like she doesn’t really want to be there.
You’ll still get your stickers, but only if this is something you’ll consider in the future.
In my admittedly limited experience, regardless of how much one enjoys a good buggering, one does tend to adopt a somewhat strained expression. Never let it be said, however, that Tailsteak has shied away from constructive criticism.
a more explicit “more” delivered, as per request.
Power Attack. Is there any situation it can’t solve? Combat, Joining a Party, Chess, Fucking The White Queen In The Ass…
Oh, if only I had access to a personal scanner, that sticker pack could be mine… All mine…
I imagine the idea was for drawings and whatnot, but I suppose dramatic re-enactments weren’t ruled out. That said, I’m not sure I want to know what we’d see if you had a “personal” scanner.
I Feel an oxymaron a gnome asking for ten meter increase
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