Annotated 26-23
This page was pretty close to what we had outlined in the first draft, though it’s more visual, and Scipio’s lines here were originally outlined as… Gravedust’s.
Yes, Outline v1 of this story had Gravedust in place of Scipio. It was much rougher in parts, and it didn’t really do justice to either Rachel’s spiritual crisis or the complexity of the sisters’ moral rot. It had Rachel running into her sisters by complete coincidence. Those sisters would then be attacking all the Peacemakers immediately instead of conflicted in their desire to win Rachel over.
It did, however, include a much larger role for Rosita. In it, Gravedust actually did what this version only hinted at, letting Rosita’s ghost tell the tale of her death to Rachel directly. Then her spirit charged up one of his arrows near the story’s climax. (I still regret that we didn’t do a bit more with Gravedust’s absolution-by-archery powers.)
I think we swapped him out because we figured he’d be busy contacting the spirits of dwarven mystics and because Scipio was due for some exposure outside of his relationship with Fr’Nj. We’ll be catching up with Gravedust and one of those dwarven mystics soon enough.
I can’t help but feel there’s a missing page between this one and the last? The jump from “Character self-immolates” straight to “epilogue” is pretty jarring. There’s not even a whiff of smoke in the air!
Probably because some time has passed since the battle. I’d say at least an hour.
I didn’t remember that Frigg legit rage-vomited the entire poison out, I thought it only “helped”.
That makes no sense. And it only makes her more amazing.
I mean, to my mind there’s still enough of it in there to make her a bit oogy and staggery, but as long as she doesn’t have to fight or do much, then practically speaking that just means she’s in a sour mood, and how can you tell the difference am I rite.
I ain’t no doctorman, but I don’t think you can puke out (even partially) a poison you didn’t ingest. She got it injected.
But she’s just baller like that. I think lampshading it would probably make it even better, seeing her shrug off logic is on theme, I feel. lol
I think it was an extrapolation of how people sometimes throw up when ODing on something they injected. It’s a physiological response – because as far as your body knows, how else did the stuff get into your bloodstream? – but it doesn’t really help.
Her power is supposed to be capable of healing. Not that she ever consciously learns this, but between that and the possession we later discover she has, it doesn’t surprise me that she finds a way to channel that ability into rage-vomiting the worst of the poison out of her body.
Frankly, it’s hard to imagine her ever learning any kind of cleanse spell that doesn’t cause some kind of mess of… waste.
I prefer Scipio over Gravedust here. His pragmatic streak in killing Blair would be something I doubt Gravedust could do.
I agree. And I suspect Gravey would of taken more of the spotlight from Rachel.
I could see Gravedust killing Blair with an arrow filled with Rosita’s spirit, which I’m guessing was what was originally outlined. I don’t see him having much of a problem with it.
“And I will hug him and pet him and love him and feed him and I will name him ‘George’ and he will be my friend!”