Annotated 41-18
This page is Flo’s in every respect. Most people who’ve lived long enough have some experience with depression, but the way Byron lashes out here and the reasons behind it are something Flo knew very well.
Ultimately, this is Byron’s depression defending itself. Behind everything Gravedust says here is the implication that Byron deserves better, that he should be with those who love him, those he loves. Byron’s depression cannot coexist with that idea, so it takes control rather than cease to exist.
It’s interesting that in this moment, Gravedust says nothing about the dead returning to life. There’s no reason he gives that this should be a special exception; he doesn’t echo Syr’Nj’s argument that the world wants Byron alive… he just sounds like he’s found Byron hiding in some obscure village and not, you know, dead.
“I am so terrible, nobody could possibly need me. If they do, they’re just mistaken and need convincing…”
But also: If I go back, keeping the berzerker in check won’t be as easy as chopping of a small piece of myself every now and then — and if I fail, the people I love the most will die.
The fear of losing control again in this way must be way bigger than what he’s enduring here. A very understandable reason to just go back to hiding — if that were what his “exterior” was doing.
We’ve all had the berserker curse in our lives, in varying degrees, I believe…
I feel this.