New Comics Every Weekday - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip
Captain, the human scumbag levels are off the charts!
And that elf totally tried to save him.
Tried to save his political career, yeah, his dignity, not so much. I admire gnome guy. I’m sure he knows he’s expected to bend over and take it up the bum, but he’s not resigned to doing it quietly. Wonder if elf guy is respected by his people or reviled but considered a necessity?
Isn’t he the same elf guy who was pushing the isolationist policy for the sky elves, which also involved stealing all the food the elves needed (through conjuring)?
Hahaha you’re right it does look like that guy.
Ditto to what you said, Cat.
The gnome has the moral and ethical high ground in this discussion, but as we all know from real world politics, that does not translate into being taken seriously or seeing justice served. Luckily this is a fantasy world and there are adventurers to help even the odds.
Yes, I patiently await and hope for the day when Frigg will deliver a world of well deserved hurt to those who’ve got it coming. ;)
Well, the Gnome could ask: “Remind me again… exactly how many allies does Gastonia have left? And how many allies would it like to have tomorrow morning?”
Because, quite frankly, if the Gnomes were to decide to betray their principles in order to make war machines, they might as well make them for the winning side, and the “Savage Races” outnumber Gastonia ten to one.
That would still mean using science to destroy rather than build, which would be a sacrifice of his moral values as well as loss of gnome life. Because the “Savage Races” might out number Gastonia, but that doesn’t mean that all the human Gastonians couldn’t take that same stance and just kill all the gnomes. I mean if they can’t have hammer tanks, why should they let the savages have them? They have the scientists who built them in custody, they have all the cards.
Of course this raises the question; exactly which part of your defenses do you want to let the captive-and-forced-to-work engineers build?
That shouldn’t actually be too much of a problem – the gnomes have a very significant vested interest in helping Gastonia.
Hey, there are people with outstanding moral fiber who stand up in the real world too. They are heroes too. :]
Prepare a counter-argument. Full spread.
Need a cough-drop?
A got a bag of those dire-honey and lemon ones right here.
Do you have any with dire-lemon?
Those things give me dire-rhea.
Obvious pun enthusiasts. I wonder…Any chance you guys get on that site Reddit? lmao ;]
You got that right. :-|
To be honest, if the roles were refersed, and the Gnomes or elves would be the ones in power, things would be no different.
*cough* Skyrim’s Thalmor *cough*
I’m amused by the elf just…giving up trying to save the Gnome from himself, in the third panel. ‘Fine, you want to hang yourself, I’ll stop trying to cut the damned rope…’
alt text ****ing nailed it.
Despite the fact that the elf tried to save him, I still believe that the gnome had every right to speak his mind in what that damn brat did.
And the fact that you can see the worthless child giving a shit eating grin in the second last panel really pisses me off.
And not just the kid, but also (presumably) his father standing at the podium in the last panel.
Arrr! Feed ‘em to the Savage Races, says I!
Ah, you too ? He makes a great lothsome character, right ?
A bit like his dad, come to think of it. Like father, like son, I guess.
I believe that was the point. Look at that panel closely. Same smile, same head tilt. The artist is obviously showing us something there.
Panel 3 is great. I love how bored and impatient everyone gets, meanwhile the elf just stares forward stonily.
Wait a sec, what’s he magic-writing?
Limericks, of course.
There is a nation called Gastoni
whose leaders are full of baloney
Elves, Gnomes and Men
all supposedly friends
I laugh behind my face-stoney
There was once a Great Observatorium
whose tenants were lacking decorum
but when pencil-neck human lout
drove a hammer-tank through and about
they were evicted by popular gnome-forum
The gnome sitting to my left
is not politically deft
when I’m clearing my throat
he pays it no note
and continues to get us both eff’d
Conjuration / shopping list:
Dapper Dan’s hair gel
something called “duck tape”? – ask gnome hardware vendor
a bag of Dr. Tran’s Dire-Peppermint Dickables
magic blotting paper
300 board-feet Akerran pine
Someone give the man a cookie.
*gives coldelectrons a 2 kg-box of cookies*
Thanks, but I’m currently doing this as a sidequest for more Gold Stars.
Thank you for the LOL. :) I try to get my required daily allowance, good for mental well being.
Aww, Elfie totally does have his back.
Now I feel like I should know their names if they got ones on-panel… To the archives!
I believe it was Menachem.
“We are all equals here. Except we’re human, so we’re -more- equal.”
Anti-human racism ?
Oh, sure, blame it on your wife. These are the actions of a true man.
Man? Well, he -might- look like one, but he certainly doesn’t smell like one. I think he’s what’s known in the scientific community as “slimeballus politicus”.
Yeah, like the man was the only one to raise the brat-kid …
Typical females … dodging responsibilities and letting the diry work to men …
Gender war, anyone ? ^^
The obvious solution is to have them both assassinated.
Are you talking about the gnome scientists, or are you predicting the backroom dialogue of the human council members?
Honestly? It’ll probably come up on both sides. The gnome may try to assassinate the gnome scientists, or possibly get the adventurers to kidnap them again in secret so they can be tried in Gnometown’s underworld. And the humans will probably consider assassinating the gnome to make him go away.
I don’t think the comic is quite this dark.
This plotline includes a psychotic preteen destroying a city (and presumably killing hundreds, if not thousands of gnomes), and significant institutional racism. A couple assassinations will hardly show up on the chart.
Not that dark? Did you miss the scene were the savage races were burning and pillaging that one town, blood of innocents all over the place, gnolls chasing a naked woman down to presumably do ghastly things to her?
I don’t think it works to try and assassinate the head gnome guy. Remember, Gastonia actually needs Gnometown. And there’s a serious limit to how well you can force someone to build weapons for you. See: Iron Man.
My first interpretation was assissinate Sir Slimeball and his murderous psychopathic brat for good measure.
Oh good, that’s perfect diplomatic policy.
Let’s alienate the race who appears to have the capacity to create deadly super weapons which can destroy half a town in a single night.
What next? Will we slather ourselves in honey and dance in front of a bear? Will we bet the gods you bet they *can’t* kill all your people in a single day? Will you decide to moon the enemy, call their mothers whores, talk about how their families are steeped in incest, and top it off by defecating on their daughters? (The Gastonian Steamer don’chaknow)
How the royal balls did humans ever become a top tier race in this world?
Think that was explained a while back in that really chilling Gastonian children’s book about the races, but I don’t recall all of it. Don’t we just outbreed everybody? If the gnomes do refrain from using technology as a weapon, that’d be part of it to.
Organization. Most humans are docile enough that if you stick someone out in front that’s dressed nicely and has good hair, they’ll do what he says so long as they’re fed well enough.
So unfortunealtely true.
To be fair, we’ve already seen someone slather himself in honey and approach a bear.
I’m not sure what that Elf wants him to do, though. Accept it and smile? Would that really be the best way to do it? Or will there be some sort of solution to this behind the scenes?
I’m also surprised at the amount of bullshit in the council! Why would they protect that boy and his parent when it alienates the Gnomes and their technology so much?
I wonder if the gnomes are considering switching sides?
“You must be this tall to enter Happy Sclerith’s Security Funhouse!”
… Okay, this is RIDICULOUS. Politicians can be douchebags but at least one other human would be backing him. Even if not, they should, from a tactical viewpoint, try to placate him somehow. (“We’ll let you try one.” or “We’ll turn them over to your custody after the war ends.”)
I mean, yeah, the boy’s going to get a pass, but you have to give the gnomes SOMETHING. After all, you don’t want them to be tempted to betray you. Even if you think you could crush them easily, they’re still too valuable of an asset to lose. Come on, Gastonia, if you’re going to be douchebags, be LOGICAL douchebags, at least.
The thing is, there’s no real chance of that happening because of who Harki is. Harki’s not really the negotiating type, and his goals are basically genocidal, so it’s hard to see him reaching a separate accommodation with the gnomes.
Except we saw the dwarves do it.
Harki is only Genocidal towards Gastonians.
The dwarves were already long an outsider society, as were the goblins–they were never allied with Gastonia. Furthermore, Harki hates them both (but thinks they are necessary). The gnomes are in pretty deep with Gastonia. Remember, Gnometown is literally INSIDE of Gastonia.
Aren’t “Logical Douchebags” a Payet Best tribute band?
Sadly, I could totally see congress doing this – especially some of the more “defense”-oriented subcommittees.
Look to the past record, specifically what happened in Germany in 1945+ to learn more.
I find it hard to believe that every human on this council is a complete racist scumbag. I mean, all of them are either looking smugly superior, bored that he didn’t just be the yes man, or actively avoiding eye contact. There has to be one guy who gives an actual crap about lives and justice besides the minorities. Right?
I believe the writers are avid observers of human nature…so, no. At least, not among that lot in the room. You’d most likely find that one guy out somewhere, where justice and living matters more than greed and power.
Unless I miss my guess, I’d say Pornstache would whole-heartedly agree with the idea that the Gnomic Duo are too important to the war effort to waste…but I also think he has his own “magic book” that he makes notes in – about whom did what and what kind of end they deserve.
Sure, there could be one or more of the humans who are unhappy or not completely sold with how this is being handled. My guess would be that Urist McGreyBeard, who I am guessing is minister for mining and industry (based on his shoulder badge) is a little uneasy. But the problem with humans is we are susceptible to Groupthink. No matter how much we like to imagine that we would object and stand up for the little guy, we are just too concerned about not rocking the boat.
Honestly, in this situation it is understandable that all the humans would want to minimize disharmony in this situation, because they have to focus on the big picture of fighting a war.
Well, the big picture here could be losing them allies in the fight. They just pretty much told the gnomic representitive that it’s his fault for having traitors that are more important to the cause than every loyal citizen of Gnometown. Not to mention the fact that the tech those two traitor gnomes made ended up in enemy hands and almost destroyed a human city. I know I would rock the boat because I do it often, though never to this scale, of course. I’m just saying that these are the most influential men in Gastonia. One of them has to realize that there are penalties for ignoring lives lost in an allied force, short or tall.
You know.even if i weren’T sure in the beginning of that whole conflict now i just know that the Peacekeeper WILL betray Gastonia at some point.
I#m not saying that the group will switch over to Harky( even thought that would be a cool plot twist) i’m just guessing that they will do there own thing.Something that will piss off Harky AND GAstonia.and make them enemy to both.
This guy is just a slimeball. He’s Grima Wormtongue with better hair.
Ah yes… ‘for the greater good’.
Stalin loved that phrase… not to mention a raft-load of other nasty actors.
Humanity, fuck yeah! We didn’t fight, claw, kick, steal, and murder out way to the top of the food chain to be CONSIDERATE.
Thing is, as bad as all this is, they’re still more civilized than the Savage Races. They have cities, places of learning, etc. All we’ve seen from the Savage Races are war bands, tribal areas, and… Well.
The leadership may be shit, the people may be racist pricks, but they’re better than the alternative.
What we’ve seen of the non-warfaring bit of the Savage Races is a single panel where a family is being brought food. Though I’ll admit, I think they’re being brought human body parts to eat.
Still, what little we “know” about the Savage Races is that the war-campaigners are burning cities to the ground, whilst drinking wine in sumptuous movable tents.
We don’t know just how their “average” citizen is really treated. Now, I’m not saying that the average kobold village is a place of quaint charm. I’m just saying we haven’t been given solid knowledge. And with the way our lovable writers like to turn fantasy assumptions on their ears…
However I agree that this is something that would make me furious if it weren’t in fiction. And yes, the Congress has done something very much like this. Many, many times, to its own people and to the people of other nations.
Which is why the native Americans (both north and south) totally had it coming.
I understand what they do with the traitorous scientists. They are a bit too useful to throw away. A full pardon would be ridiculous, but I would agree with letting them build things while wearing a ball and chain on their leg.
I believe that elf is informing you that the bottom of your robe is coming unravelled.
Accept amnesty for either the boy or the scientists, but state gnometown requires SOME satisfaction.
His negotiating position is weak. The professors who built the hammer tank are the only ones Gastonia really needs, so he can’t offer the Gastonians anything they would consider worth the loss of the professors.
He could threaten to steal all their underpants…?
Well obviously he’s not going to get anything from the professors. But by making it a “compromise” to demand the kid get in trouble, simply making a fuss might be enough to get them to punish the kid for the the sake of moving things along.
I think it would have been more effective if he had told them, “That’s all I can stands, I can’t stands gnome-more!”
Ew. I think some politician slime leapt out of the screen and landed on my arm.
One day those slimeballs will get baked into pies and served up as the main course to their family
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