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New Comics Every M/W/F - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip

Good date conversation over freshly killed Dire Bear: 'Hey babe, what's ursine?'

Chapter 15 – Page 4

on February 8, 2012
Chapter: Chapter 15
└ Tags: A Dire Bear, Byron, Syr'Nj
Comments RSS

Discussion (79) ¬

  1. Heheh
    Heheh
    February 8, 2012, 12:02 am | # | Reply

    That bear corpse is a sight for sore eyes

    • Messenger
      Messenger
      February 8, 2012, 4:43 am | # | Reply

      I bet the bear didn’t see it coming.

      • jokerlope
        jokerlope
        February 9, 2012, 11:20 am | # | Reply

        I think we all got the point of that pun.

        • The Occupant
          The Occupant
          February 9, 2012, 8:33 pm | # | Reply

          Yeah, but we’re going to stick at it regardless. Maybe this conversation should branch off in other directions?

          • Bob
            Bob
            April 29, 2012, 4:33 pm | # | Reply

            i wouldnt bear to see another pun

            • Neferius
              Neferius
              September 4, 2015, 7:09 am | # | Reply

              “Honey, i’ve made you a fur-skin coat. I just couldn’t bear to see you without the finer things in life” xD

              • Joke Ruiner Reloaded
                Joke Ruiner Reloaded
                February 20, 2016, 3:17 pm | # | Reply

                I tree what you did bear.

                • MidnightDStroyer
                  MidnightDStroyer
                  February 13, 2017, 2:27 pm | # | Reply

                  Clearly, that tree’s bite is worse than its bark.

                  • maggPi
                    maggPi
                    August 8, 2017, 10:52 am | # | Reply

                    “Things are looking dire, Honey…”

  2. Jean-Luc
    Jean-Luc
    February 8, 2012, 12:09 am | # | Reply

    Wow, talk about tunnel vision.

  3. alicemacher
    alicemacher
    February 8, 2012, 12:11 am | # | Reply

    No berserking. A good sign. *Crosses fingers*

    • Quicksilver
      Quicksilver
      February 8, 2012, 1:05 am | # | Reply

      But that hardly means a thing. He’s bearly broken a sweat.

      • JarrysKid
        JarrysKid
        February 8, 2012, 10:53 am | # | Reply

        But he’s all dired out.

        • ThePuck1
          ThePuck1
          February 9, 2012, 5:51 pm | # | Reply

          Honey! Its bear for dinner tonight.

  4. SaltyKracka
    SaltyKracka
    February 8, 2012, 12:14 am | # | Reply

    Wow, Byron. Way to branch out and stick it to him.

    • Heheh
      Heheh
      February 8, 2012, 12:16 am | # | Reply

      From that day on, he developed a deep-rooted distaste for bears

      • Werbluten
        Werbluten
        February 8, 2012, 12:56 am | # | Reply

        Hopefully, the other… things with leaf him alone.

        • Geigan
          Geigan
          February 8, 2012, 1:45 am | # | Reply

          Wood they? They might tree that he’s violent and get even more aggressive.

          • Fren
            Fren
            February 8, 2012, 8:30 am | # | Reply

            All he got was a stick-a-nic basket. Poor bear.

            • banjo2E
              banjo2E
              February 8, 2012, 3:56 pm | # | Reply

              Pyrite Star.

          • Rowen Morland
            Rowen Morland
            February 8, 2012, 7:31 pm | # | Reply

            I doubt they’ll twig to his aggressive ways.

            • Brent Felzien
              Brent Felzien
              February 8, 2012, 10:53 pm | # | Reply

              Byron might get stumped with that one.

      • Far
        Far
        February 8, 2012, 12:47 pm | # | Reply

        And the bear has a deep-rooted distaste for roots.
        No time for dinner, they’ve bearly started the honey-do list.

    • Locke
      Locke
      February 8, 2012, 3:08 am | # | Reply

      I’m kinda pissed he killed it, the Dire Bear’s bark is worse than its bite.

  5. Robtimus
    Robtimus
    February 8, 2012, 12:45 am | # | Reply

    A reading from the Book of Matthew, chapter 7, verses 3-5; Matthew addresses the dire bears.

    3 Why do you look at the dire honey that is in your berserker’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your berserker, ‘Let me take the dire honey out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the dire honey out of your berserker’s eye.

    • KeiranHalcyon
      KeiranHalcyon
      February 8, 2012, 1:32 am | # | Reply

      Sacrilicious!

    • Mic-Gold
      Mic-Gold
      February 8, 2012, 7:52 pm | # | Reply

      Damn, that’s the quote that came to my mind too. Nice paraphrasing.

  6. SteelRaven
    SteelRaven
    February 8, 2012, 1:02 am | # | Reply

    …You’ll poke an eye out

    • Lhurgoyf
      Lhurgoyf
      February 8, 2012, 1:04 am | # | Reply

      This is a dire situation. No need to poke fun at it.

    • Dusty668
      Dusty668
      February 8, 2012, 5:52 am | # | Reply

      The Dire Bear’s mother always regretted naming him Haikid.

  7. Quicksilver
    Quicksilver
    February 8, 2012, 1:06 am | # | Reply

    It’s really a pity that puns on berserk are redundant.

    • Kensou
      Kensou
      February 8, 2012, 2:19 am | # | Reply

      At least the bear puns will stop. They were getting to be an Ursa Major pain.

    • ahdok
      ahdok
      February 8, 2012, 7:49 am | # | Reply

      No need to get mad about it.

  8. BT
    BT
    February 8, 2012, 1:37 am | # | Reply

    She gonna lick that honey off his face. I hope.

    • JarrysKid
      JarrysKid
      February 8, 2012, 10:54 am | # | Reply

      Ship ahoy!

    • Valdrax
      Valdrax
      February 9, 2012, 3:44 pm | # | Reply

      Do not, under any circumstances, eat the mind honey.

      • Freako
        Freako
        February 16, 2012, 5:06 am | # | Reply

        If you do, it may have DIRE CONSEQUENCES for all of paradox space.

        You have been warned.

  9. Alechsa
    Alechsa
    February 8, 2012, 2:14 am | # | Reply

    Little do they know that the key ingredient in ensuring that he stays unbeserked is having Dire Honey smeared al over him…

  10. Carl-E
    Carl-E
    February 8, 2012, 2:15 am | # | Reply

    Honey, I’m hoooooome!

  11. JDemms
    JDemms
    February 8, 2012, 2:30 am | # | Reply

    This was hard to look at.

  12. Miyaa
    Miyaa
    February 8, 2012, 2:48 am | # | Reply

    Screw hungry, think what she’d do with a dire bear fur coat!

    • Heheh
      Heheh
      February 8, 2012, 3:26 am | # | Reply

      He Elves for the Ethical Treatment of Animals would have a fit.

      • Veggieburrito
        Veggieburrito
        February 10, 2012, 9:39 am | # | Reply

        DETA?

  13. Doop doop
    Doop doop
    February 8, 2012, 3:56 am | # | Reply

    Hope you’re *hungry*?

    Did you learn NOTHING from the book Prince Caspian?

    http://books.google.com/books?id=kl7i6DHZ_1IC&pg=PA136&lpg=PA136&dq=Prince+CAspian+bear+meat&source=bl&ots=Frr0cASiz9&sig=yBFyirVrf3BgkaFWNP8Fimfn9PI&hl=en&sa=X&ei=ITgyT5XHIpP-iQLz8YC6Cg&ved=0CCoQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

    “Bear that has lived too much on other animals is not very nice, but bear that has had plenty of honey and fruit is excellent, and this turned out to be that sort of bear.”

    I don’t think a DIRE BEAR is the kind of bear that’s HONEY AND FRUITS.

    • Mujaki
      Mujaki
      February 8, 2012, 4:25 am | # | Reply

      The bear just wanted some honey, to sweeten its disposition. On the upside, Byron isn’t sweatin’ his pissed possession.

  14. silenttinsoldier
    silenttinsoldier
    February 8, 2012, 5:40 am | # | Reply

    Requesting a print version of the final panel <3

  15. Hawk
    Hawk
    February 8, 2012, 7:24 am | # | Reply

    Well…now we see if Syr feels that this was a conclusive test.

    Also a perfect spot in the story for unsolicited fan-fic extensions of this scene! :P

  16. Vincent
    Vincent
    February 8, 2012, 7:42 am | # | Reply

    Whelp. Time to make him fight something heavier.

    • Fren
      Fren
      February 8, 2012, 8:32 am | # | Reply

      SUMMON THE DIRE GIRAFFEAPOTAMUS

      • Harr0wed
        Harr0wed
        February 9, 2012, 9:16 am | # | Reply

        That, I would love to see!

  17. Ishmael
    Ishmael
    February 8, 2012, 8:26 am | # | Reply

    This proves it. Got a problem? Fire elementals? Berserker boyfriend?

    You can always do science to it.

  18. Amaster
    Amaster
    February 8, 2012, 8:38 am | # | Reply

    The alt-text pun is horrific.

    • Bardo
      Bardo
      February 8, 2012, 9:41 am | # | Reply

      Really? Horrific?
      I would have gone with “grizzly”.

      • Whipstitch
        Whipstitch
        February 8, 2012, 3:44 pm | # | Reply

        Or unbearable.

        • Valdrax
          Valdrax
          February 9, 2012, 3:45 pm | # | Reply

          Polarizing or Pandaring?

          • King of Zeroes
            King of Zeroes
            February 9, 2012, 6:24 pm | # | Reply

            You’re all monsters.

  19. Hatman
    Hatman
    February 8, 2012, 10:11 am | # | Reply

    I love the movie fight scene logic here. Axes only make it angy, but a sharp stick while it’s lunging always works.

    • Mordecai
      Mordecai
      February 8, 2012, 11:14 am | # | Reply

      Axes to the ARM make it angry, entire branches jammed STRAIGHT THROUGH THE EYES INTO THE BRAIN do tend to work, whether it’s lunging or not.

      • Mordecai
        Mordecai
        February 8, 2012, 11:15 am | # | Reply

        Sorry, through the eye, into the brain, and OUT THE OTHER SIDE, now that I look at it again.

        • Thracecius
          Thracecius
          February 8, 2012, 12:38 pm | # | Reply

          That bear must’ve had a soft spot for Byron’s branch-tics.

          Realistically speaking though, even in fantasy…what in the heck kinda wood is capable of penetrating a skull bone?

          • plaintextman
            plaintextman
            February 8, 2012, 2:32 pm | # | Reply

            The kind you get in that frekking forest.

          • Whipstitch
            Whipstitch
            February 8, 2012, 3:56 pm | # | Reply

            It’s hardly impossible for wood to go through bone with sufficient force applied. Bone is tougher and there’d certainly be splintering but if you’re driving a piece of wood lengthwise against a parallel object with great force it’s hardly weird that it’d give. As an EMT I’ve personally encountered someone who died by having their head impaled on a fence post and another case where their head was penetrated by a tree branch.

            So, yeah, don’t drive in wind storms.

            • Whipstitch
              Whipstitch
              February 8, 2012, 3:57 pm | # | Reply

              Sorry, I meant perpendicular. Shift work makes me stupid.

          • karishi
            karishi
            February 9, 2012, 8:51 pm | # | Reply

            Ur-stick.

        • Hatman
          Hatman
          February 8, 2012, 10:19 pm | # | Reply

          I know that the physics of it works and that the brain is located behind the eye, but axes into shoulders generally make arms not work.

          All of our avatars make us seem way more worked up about this than we are…I just love that when fighting an animal, a sharp stick braced against the ground is the best defense. Like in Neverending Story.

  20. Yarrr
    Yarrr
    February 8, 2012, 12:45 pm | # | Reply

    I have to avoid the comments sometimes just so I don’t go spouting the puns randomly to confused strangers.

  21. Goldteddy
    Goldteddy
    February 8, 2012, 12:57 pm | # | Reply

    Oh God he Bearly did it!
    and here i was thinking zhe BERSERKER would show his angry face : /

    (Sooo many Bear puns -_o)

  22. Frazzle.d
    Frazzle.d
    February 8, 2012, 1:08 pm | # | Reply

    The bear fell right for that honeytrap

  23. Slipdance
    Slipdance
    February 8, 2012, 2:12 pm | # | Reply

    Well, now we know the last thing that went through the bear’s mind.

    A stick.

  24. Auric
    Auric
    February 8, 2012, 2:45 pm | # | Reply

    My first thought when I saw this strip was ‘Take Drugs, Kill a Bear’.

    • Dain
      Dain
      February 9, 2012, 9:48 am | # | Reply

      Nice.

  25. Quebrith
    Quebrith
    February 8, 2012, 7:27 pm | # | Reply

    Those axe blades on the shoulders finally came in handy.

  26. maggPi
    maggPi
    February 8, 2012, 10:25 pm | # | Reply

    Awwwww..! How come nobody said “bearserker?!?” It’s a direliciously sweet two-for-pun opportunity!

  27. Syncline
    Syncline
    February 9, 2012, 7:53 am | # | Reply

    Was thinking that myself, until I realized he couldn’t go bearzerk ever again because he killed it.

  28. karishi
    karishi
    February 9, 2012, 8:50 pm | # | Reply

    “We called it a dire bear because ur-ursa sounds stupid.”

  29. Twigs
    Twigs
    February 15, 2012, 1:05 pm | # | Reply

    That middle pannel just made me go “ew.” Violence around eyes is always extra hideous for me.

    • FreddeX91
      FreddeX91
      May 21, 2013, 3:18 am | # | Reply

      I know how you feel Twigs, that and to use acid as an weapon is just… It’s just plain wrong!

  30. Syn
    Syn
    September 24, 2013, 4:06 pm | # | Reply

    their guild could eat that for a month

  31. Observer
    Observer
    March 8, 2015, 12:47 pm | # | Reply

    That stick must have been the long lost Zephyr Blade. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LBXthfLLHw&t=87

    Cause small caliber bullets can’t pierce ordinary large bear skulls. A Dire Bear can probably shrug off a small ballista to the skull…

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Guilded Age is co-written by T Campbell & Flo Kahn, and illustrated by John Waltrip. Site design by Samantha Kyle. Fonts by Blambot.com.
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