New Comics Every Weekday - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip
Hey now. Let’s not get too reality tv-like.
RIP ‘IM A NEW KNOTHOLE, SYR!
Sheesh. Kids. When they’re little they step on your toes; when grown, they tear out your heart.
There’s a song on the tip of my brain that ties in well to the “Love as we do, fear what we do…” thing, but for the life of me I can’t recall any details.
I think that’s “D.O.A.” by Bloodrock.
I remember– we were flying alone, and hit something in the air. that’s all i can remember, been a few decades since i’ve heard that one.
You’ve got to be carefully taught
Before you are six or seven or eight
To hate all the people your relatives hate
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
Next page: “…can see now that I should never have let you leave home. Your perspective has been so utterly twisted.”
Yeah, we’ve reached the gratuitous, semi-veiled insult part of the argument. It’s all downhill from here.
“My blossom – WE are the guardians of nature! Nothing must be allowed to contaminate nature! That’s why we take the trees, hollow them out, install gas lights and indoor plumbing, and live in them like a buncha parasites because, um… nevermind
Yeah, they should cut them up and rearrange them into squares like normal people. And just look at those stupid birds, taking twigs, bending them and sitting them upon trees like wood parasites, so unnatural.
Methinks I detect a grumpiness in your sarcastic response to my sarcastic post. I have some spare Zantacs, or Xanax (or even pickaxe or hard tacks) if you’d like some:)))
Zant’Ks? Xan’Ks? I didn’t see them in the tags…
I want a Xanadu.
The trees are actually a careful crossbreed between bamboo and swiss cheese, so they grow hollow, with windows and doors in ‘em. Also a big attraction for glow worms. Perfectly natural.
The wood elves have root-kitted the poor trees with their unnatural Bough of Gruyere.
“Um – your Highness – hate to interrupt, but the Gorillarantula from the Ur-forest is here, requesting to use his clumsy abomination paws to rearrange your facial features…..
“Also – no rush on this, sire – our world is coming to an end shortly. When you have time.”
through a bit of temporal tampering, they are best’s parents…
Actually, I was waiting for E-Merl to finish: “…I’m your grandson…FROM THE FUTURE.”
Come to think of it there is a certain irony in the fact that the entire Wood Elf civilization is unnaturally sustained by a magic artifact.
Daddy, can we talk? I think we shpuld have had this little chat a long time ago…
I’ll bet Byron can practically taste the ‘daddy issues’ when he and Syr kiss.
Wait, Byron – until Daddy sees us – NOW! Kiss me hard and grope me!
show that Sporophyte who’s boss! (p.s. just took a biology plant test)
if a sentence is ending aprubtly like this,something interrupting will happen (Its the law of storytelling). so Ten bucks says its either the troll army is suddenly attacking (maybe with there firedemon/god) or the chief here gets somehow a message that they magic mumbo-jumbo-stick was stolen.
I cast my vote for Auraugu just running by, laughing manically, possibly with Gravedust in hot pursuit.
I strongly approve that idea. B)
also with the stick in his mouth, running on all fours.
Even moar strongly approved.
Something interrupting DID happen!
They ran out of panels for today’s comic.
Obviously, the king sensed a disturbance in the force.
Also, note to all nature deities out their: if you give your people a major artifact to sustain them, make sure it doesn’t work for any random roid ranger that comes along.
…sorry, bad choice of words. :)
Humans violate your territory, take your stuff and then you end up having to learn to tolerate them. :trollface:
Don’t forget… pork yer daughters.
Of course, turnabout is fair play :D
I’m still waiting for a piece of fiction where you have a male elf paired with a human female. Drizzt having a crush on Cattie-Bitch doesn’t count.
And before someone comes by to notify me that such a thing does in fact exist and points it out to me, let me say that I don’t care about some footnote in Faerun’s history or obscure short story.
Give me an example of a major work.
Tanis and Laurana from the Dragonlance Chronicles. But he’s only half human – does that count?
Misparsed – you said male elf, human female. My apologies
http://www.errantstory.com – Meji is the daughter of an elven ambassador and a local noble’s wife…but it’s not the hot elf-on-woman erotica you’re probably looking for.
if i may exercise a tangent, fuck yea exploitation now!
I think it might qualify as a footnote, since those two aren’t together in the actual comic, and I’m not even sure that they ever were what you’d call “a couple”.
Actually, I once read some novel that had a world run by elves, where humans were their slaves, and in-breeding wasn’t allowed (or at least children weren’t.) So one human female worked her way up the servitude ladder to be in her master’s actual harem, got pregnant, and somehow the baby ended up living and being raised by dragons. Of course, the little girl was going to grow up and supposedly bring the whole regime down around the elves’ ankles because being half-elven gave her magic/psychic powers or something. I wish I could remember the name of it but this was years ago and I didn’t like it enough to check on the rest of the series. (I liked the idea but it wasn’t executed that well.)
Note: I think the reason they don’t tend to pair male elf and female woman is because elves are typically viewed as “superior” in some way (and that human men are viewed as being horny for anything.) So, the female woman “working her way up in life” by falling for an elven man seems too close to the norm, where-as a human man “working his way up in life” by falling for an elven woman is akin to the Peasant Boy marrying the Princess, only two-fold. Also, I might be incorrect but I believe that many of these seem to be written by men. While there is nothing wrong with that, I do believe the Human Woman/Fantastical Humanoid Male pairing tends to crop up more often in stories written by women.
I am, however, still wondering if there is a story with non-rape Dwarf-Human intermingling.
That’s Andre Norton’s Elvenbane. The reason that half-elves are so dangerous is because they have access to Elven magic and Human magic… the latter of which the Elves suppress in order to retain their position as ‘lords’ (read slavemasters) of the humans. And the two types of magic are very synergistic.
Plus half elves in that series mature and reproduce faster than baseline elves…in addition to often being far more powerful magically.
Oddly enough the Elven overlords went right along with it until their progeny turned on them for being colossal dicks.
Well, I don’t know about printed fiction, but if you really want some of that sweet dwarf-human relationships, there’s an artist (username : aimo) on deviantart who does some very awesome Dragon Age fanfic comics featuring her female dwarf noble and the human male Alistair. She even has the reverse for DA2 in male dwarf Varric and human female Hawke.
Here is but a sampling:
Old muppet hecklers approve of this message.
Mother of science, what have I done…
Well well, seems I have a reason to go back to DA, heh.
Not only that, but if you allow half-elf to count as human male… In the sequel to that book, Elvenblood, Sheyrena (a full-blooded Elf with a half-blood brother by her mother) falls in reciprocated love with Shadow. Which also includes Lorryn’s mother (elf) and father (human). Said human was then sent away to keep him safe.
((Plus, Tolkien in the Silmarillion did have a male Elf who loved a human woman, though they never married. He died in battle first. Though admittedly that is background and I don’t recall if it actually was PUBLISHED in the Silmarillion.))
99.99% sure it’s not in the Silmarilion. Could be the Book of Lost Tales or something like that.
Well, as I said I wasn’t certain it actually made it in there. Tolkien kept changing his mind after all. XD
[a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Iron_Dragon%27s_Daughter"]The Iron Dragon’s Daughter[/a]?
In any case, it’s an excellent novel.
The Iron Dragon’s Daughter
The glove of maiden’s hair
Um, hello? Right here. Serially.
OoC:It’s not that elves are superior, it’s that they’s gurly. Pipple see the couple and say “Well, isn’t she burly…”
But Best certainly bonked his way through the countryside, and he’s not necessarily a half-elf, more likely a mostly-elf.
Does spock from Star Trek count? His dad was a Vulcan, his mom was human, and Vulcans are basically space elves.
I’ll allow it.
While Vulcans technically are space elves as you say they are also very different from the typical fantasy elves.
The Tolkien-based elves are very sensual creatures (for them are meant the greatest of joy sand the deepest of sorrows as JRR said) whereas Vulcans are the very opposite of that with their strict suppression of emotions which makes them appear more “masculine”.
So I wouldn’t say it counts completely but who am I to overturn Phil’s rulling.
There’s also the fact that like all non-”shit” elves, Wood Elves keep their society in a bubble that couldn’t be more of a liability with the upcoming world war between two powers they wouldn’t be able to see coming until it was too late.
Naror’nj’s whole policy (since Syr’nj was last here) depends on being able to force either side to take ‘no’ for an answer.
Not only do both sides have the means to afford to successfully take or level Wood Elf territories for whatever reason with things as they are, but I’m not even sure anyone but Syr’nj has any real updated recon on what the ‘abomination’ races are up to, capable of, and what it could mean for them.
Pity all of that is being flushed down the tubes in favor of an increasingly harsh (and escalating) father/daughter spat….
I’m loving the backgrounds in this chapter, man. They’re gorgeous.
Thanks, LadyDragon. I’ve been using real trees and real tree bark textures to add more detail to the scenes. Glad you like them.
[distant voice from a balcony]
OI! KEEP IT DOWN! SOME OF US BIGOTS NEED TO SLEEP Y’KNOW!
He cut Merl off. He didn’t even say “Objection!” what kind of court doesn’t actually let the Defense present?
It seems that Syr’nj
Injected her ideas
Into this debate
Wait until you see his Chick Fil’A bailout plan.
We will return for the second half of Days of our Lives in just a moment
Ahem– you mean “Days of our Leaves”.
I’m prouder than ever to use an E-Merl Gravatar.
Just something I barely noticed was concerning me just a tad. We haven’t seen hide nor hair of Frigg for a while. Looking forward to when we do, hehe.
Looks like it’s time to…
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