New Comics Every Weekday - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip
Human, it’s whats for dinner!
Long Pork, the other other white meat!
Rub a male human and a female human together and you get a baby.
Rub a male Wood Elf and a female Wood Elf together and you get a forest fire.
Hence all Wood Elf/Wood Elf relationships require a frigid partner.
I guess “kudzu” doesn’t mean what we think it means.
Kudzu is a vine that creeps all up in other plants bwees-naize. It tends to cling, and sorta drapes itself over other plantlife. Maybe he’s calling her “kudzu” because he likes it when she wraps herself all over him like a frikken kudzu vine.
It also makes a pretty good salad and a local brewery here is trying to use it to make beer …. so …. yeah … um ….
It also grows incredibly fast. I knew of a guy in Tennessee who went out of town for a couple weeks, and when he got back kudzu had covered his garage.
In high summer it can grow up to 18 inches every 24 hours.
And it’s a bioinvasive pest that ought to be burned out… maybe she only realized the full meaning after a small lapse of time.
Rub a human male and wood elf female together, and you get splinters and a rash.
Is THAT why she looks completely bored with that lame-@$$ kiss?
That’s probably because almost all wood elf’s seem to have lost the ability to smile (This might be totally incorrect)
Grizzle and Tailor, huh?
No no no, you are saying it all wrong. Your sound blends are too human. You must allow your throat to rumble through the R’s and your tongue to vibrate with the L’s.
Gr’zl. Tay’lr. Remember your standard Wood Elf syllabic accent rules.
The dwarf breaths so loud…
…we could shoot him in the dark.
Which is good, considering the heavy use of dark shades in this page.
Ooh, the plot thickens. Me like! Maybe this wood-elf guy is Best’s “alt?”
Also, his scent blocker is what, again? Oldspice? Lol.
Maybe someone is hinting that he smells like a fallen log?
Wear Auldspice, now in Forest Rain and Rotten Vegetation varieties!
Puh puh puh puh power!!!
Nah, she’s just saying she wants him on a boat. And if the other hunters follow him, then he’s clearly not too far from being a figurehead.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who saw this dipshit and said, “Oh hello Best-alt”
Though it could just be some OTHER douche.
I could see Best starring in an Auldspice commercial
Hello, adventurers. Look at your bard, now back to me, now back to your bard, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using land shark scented body wash and switched to Auldspice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on an airship, with the bard your bard could smell like. What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It’s a magical basin with foresight to that future you want. Look again. The tickets are now VORTEXES. Anything is possible when your bard smells like auldspice and not a land shark. I’m on a bawkbagok.
Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap!
Well done, Eric!
“I’m on a boat!”
Is it just me that thinks she wanted a little more than a peck on the forehead?
I thought it was just that she was (slightly) peeved that Gr’zl made it seem like she’d just made a promise, when she never said it was so.
She thinks “Ugh, one more session of close-my-eyes-and-think-of-foliage”
Or, it could be Auld spice… nobody wants to be kissed by someone wearing that stuff…
Either that or she secretly loathes him.
I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone but him.
Maybe it’s just a female Wood-Elf thing. Looking all pissed off with sexual arousal. Or when the guy you likes is being affectionate. Something like that. It would explain that strange look that everyone was talking about when Syr was in bed with Byron, just recently, right? Maybe every female wood elf bestrewed with affection from her mate starts getting far off and sulky. Right, guys?
“DO NOT kiss me on my eyebr…..knothole.”
Hah! Exactly what I was thinking, but with better word choice. :D
And Best comes back! And as a proper elf, this time.
No, he’s still a shit elf…
Clearly, it takes the sharpest senses in the universe to detect an old Dwarf, a boisterous Paladin, a 200-400 pound Tank, 2-3 other humans, and a Gnome that’s off her guard, among others, I think.
My, it’s hard to remember the whole crew now. It’s gotten quite big.
You forgot the Street Elf.
And a blabbermouth magixian! Those are really hard to detect. Especially with all the special effects!
BTW: Notice how much they swap around in their formation?
Panel one : Bandies, Gravy, Scipper, The-hooded-one, Friggs, Rach, The-hooded-one-Mk2 and the-hooded-one-Mk3.
Panel 4 : Bandies, Gravy, Byro, Syrr …
Seems like Byro and Syrr were Mk2 and Mk3, so how the hell did they suddenly show up in the middle?
Or rather, no wonder the elf heard them when they mill about that way :D
Looks almost as if Scipio and Bandit are splitting from the main party. My guess is they are planning on delivering a major zing when the wood elves start talking smack about the guild’s sneaking skills.
They’re building a proper raid party. Could use some more DPS, though.
So who’s the tank? *snicker*
I think you mean “…a Gnome that’s off her gourd…”
She’s been hitting the sillibus again.
Especially when they are on a diplomatic mission. It’s common sense to send your best sneaky commando raider types on those sorts of missions. Y’know, because they would be best utilized in sneaky commando raids, and we really can’t have that.
That’s what I was thinking. Surely anyone could have noticed a whole bunch of people walking through the forest.
Well looks like a Charie Foxtrot to me. Because when you Cluster up, youre F___ed.
I’m thinking they are not trying to be sneaky in any way at all.
We come in peace?
..ooOO how appropriate avatar! :)
Well, they are heading for Syr’s own home…
Gr’zu – the wood elf your wood elf could smell like
Ugh, the guy praises himself in third person. My douchebag sense is tingling already.
Hello, adventurers, look at your rogue, now back to me, now back at your rogue, now back to me.
Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using elderberry scented body wash and switched to Auldspice, he could smell like he’s me.
Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a forest with the man your Rogue could smell like.
What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an bag with two tickets for free beer at the tavern. Look again, the tickets for free beer are now epic level loot. Anything is possible when your man smells like Auldspice and not a lady.
I’m on a Troll.”
Hey Phil, T, are you guys putting in new characters deliberatly designed to get everybody squealing “Ooh! that’s Best’s alt!”
Also, if Best has so many alts, how did he ever find the time to learn to play?
Y’know, normally this is where I like to play the finger-tenting mysterious secretmonger, but for once I’ll abstain.
We’re not doing it on purpose. I’m continually surprised by not only how many new characters are suspected of being Best’s alt, but by how much everyone seems to want… perhaps, even need him back.
We don’t cotton to spoilers around here, but I’ll say this much: Do you think Best would let his return to Arkerra happen with such an absolute lacking of spectacle?
If/when he does return, it will be glorious.
Okay, it may not be official, but I’m sure -someone- has to say:
Aww, thank you for informing us! I admit, I wasn’t positive on the alt thing but so many people made good points that I started to consider it strongly. It’s good to know Best wouldn’t accept anything less than a glorious arrival of his character though and that he’s so invested in Best that he wouldn’t be likely to have an alt. I’m eager to see what he’ll end up doing, if he does return. I suppose the key is that we love to despise him and I admit I do miss him. He was never my favorite but then I don’t really have one beyond our lovely Gnoll, Auraugu (though I only favor him because he’s a gnoll, he has amused me so far, and because I want to see more of him.) I love everyone else so much, it’s hard to choose just one. :)
Btw, I had to look up Auraugu’s name (I love him but we see him so rarely that I haven’t gotten to where I remember his name on my own) and uh… your Wiki has been tampered with, just so you know.
We’re probably going to pull the plug on it. It was, admittedly, a short-sighted venture.
If you didn’t want us to need Best back you shouldn’t have made him so fucking awesome. Just plain awesome would’ve been enough.
You may have noticed that his awesome escalated between appearances.
We aim to maintain this upward trend.
So… pretty much Thermonuclear, eh?
So glad to hear this, because i was thinking the same thing. It was getting to the point, I thinking of posting, “ZOMG! IT’S BEST’S ALT!” every time we’d see a character.
Not seeing the resemblence with any of these new guys. The ogre is way too modest and the wood elf isn’t smarmy enough. Aside from being skinny, neither of them really look like Best to me either. That said, I welcome his douchy comeback as he is just too epic to abandon (and nekkid-monkey Best/Frigg angry sex is hilarious). :)
I don’t know… at the beginning Best was actually pretty modest- after the whole “prophesied one” dealie, then he started getting douchebag points.
I also want to see more of Auraugu, for the record. Not that my opinion means a whole lot here.
Hey now, all of you readers’ opinions matter!
We don’t have the time or wherewithall to respond to each and every comment, of course, but I assure you this:
The “General Consensus of the Readership” is something we consider heavily whenever scripting.
General Consensus demands that everyone be nekkid. Consensus has spoken. Obey, minions!
“General Consensus of the Readership” doesn’t have the snap of “Fellowship of the Ring” but it would make a great title. I can see a web comic done like an improv skit.
Caption: The hero enters the Forbidden Forest.
Hero: This is a scary place. But i must retrieve the Sacred Backscratcher or the kingdom is doomed! Wait– wha’s that rustling sound? There’s something coming through the trees!
Commenters: Dragon! Lion! Dire Hamster! Walrus!
Caption: An enormous walrus charges at the hero, slashing with its tusks.
Hero: My sword just bounces off its rubbery hide– what do i do?
Commenters: Run! Cut down a tree so it falls on it! Stick your hand down its throat and choke it!
Hero: Stick my hand down its throat? Are you crazy? It’s just bite my hand off!
Commenters: Not if you look cool enough while doing it!
Hero: Can i get a stand-in?
To check out a variant on this, go look at You awaken in Razor Hill., reposted from a rather longer thread on the World of Warcraft forums; starts with Razor Hill Page One on the left side. Suggestions were taken from commenters, and here you mainly see the replies that form the story, though you can deduce what most of the suggestions were. It’s in the old Infocom text-adventure tradition, and takes a bit to get going but ends up AWESOME.
Hmm. Well, that was SUPPOSED to be a link but something appears to have gone pear-shaped. Try just http://www.thelittlestmurloc.com/ then…
I’m looking at that face she made with that kiss, and I’m thinking she’s been trying to break up with that guy since the first time he called her kudzu.
What was the thought process there?
“Hmm. Me, Gr’zl, needs a pet name for her. How about a super annoying and kind of destructive weed that’s a real problem in some parts of the world? Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”
I love my new avatar.
You know, the Auldspice ‘gag’ really ruins the moment.
Gotta love the magical bow with magical bowstring that can totally not get wet and snap at the worst possible moment during inclement weather.
They’re wood elves; they probably have living plant tendons for bowstrings. Plants don’t mind the rain, y’know?
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