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New Comics Every M/W/F - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip

Don't worry, folks: Timmi's got this.

Chapter 18 – Page 14

on August 27, 2012
Chapter: Chapter 18
└ Tags: Byron, Fr'Nj, Frigg, Rachel, Scipio, Timmi
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Discussion (89) ¬

  1. Jean-Luc
    Jean-Luc
    August 27, 2012, 12:04 am | # | Reply

    As far as reasons why nobody wants to fuck you go that one’s pretty great.

    • Heheh
      Heheh
      August 27, 2012, 12:51 am | # | Reply

      Frigg totally wants him

      • biggmac
        biggmac
        August 27, 2012, 1:02 am | # | Reply

        Scip: *ungrateful dame*
        Frigg: *must prove I’m better’n him… then bed him*
        Rachel: *giggle*…*I want her so bad*
        Byron: *I miss my #@!!$# axes*

        • Obakeinu
          Obakeinu
          August 27, 2012, 2:34 pm | # | Reply

          I dunno… Byron seems to be doing just fine with the battlefield ‘pick-ups’.

          (And there’s no shortage of spares as he goes along.)

      • Obakeinu
        Obakeinu
        August 27, 2012, 2:40 pm | # | Reply

        Yup… I sense jealousy… and denial.

        A yummy combination.

    • CliffMonster
      CliffMonster
      August 27, 2012, 9:04 am | # | Reply

      Just wait until she meets up with the new Best in a few pages. Maybe his drums will get her to change her tune.

      • Phil
        Phil
        August 27, 2012, 3:28 pm | # | Reply

        >in a few pages.

        I wish.

        • Jean-Luc
          Jean-Luc
          August 27, 2012, 7:58 pm | # | Reply

          Things are still mostly fine, no shakes or anything, but I’m feelin’ a Best withdrawal coming on. I’m really hoping there’s a nice Payet fix not toooo far down the line. There’s a few asses still left that PB hasn’t tapped yet and they’re itchin’ for it.

          • maggPi
            maggPi
            August 27, 2012, 9:58 pm | # | Reply

            Ew. Itching? Really? That’s very …not good.

            And… @ Phil; I really hope that’s not a spoiler alert.

        • Mujaki
          Mujaki
          August 28, 2012, 1:02 am | # | Reply

          Phil, isn’t your wish the artist’s command?

          • Jean-Luc
            Jean-Luc
            August 28, 2012, 3:37 am | # | Reply

            Well, there’s the story to consider.

            • Phil
              Phil
              August 28, 2012, 10:04 am | # | Reply

              You can be certain that Payet Best would not return unless it is dramatically appropriate to do so.

              Now is not one of those times, I’m afraid.

              • Andreas
                Andreas
                August 29, 2012, 4:58 am | # | Reply

                He’s the Payet ex Machina…

      • coldelectrons
        coldelectrons
        August 28, 2012, 6:53 am | # | Reply

        Frigg x Penk, anyone?

  2. biggmac
    biggmac
    August 27, 2012, 12:10 am | # | Reply

    Is Timmi…..saluting?! Cute! But any more would be too Ewokky.

    • biggmac
      biggmac
      August 27, 2012, 12:14 am | # | Reply

      Krkk rikk tikk tikkk krickety kk! (=squirrels, rabbits, doves, all other vegans follow me deep in the wood; all carnivores, run towards and into the big fire. No, TRUST me!)

      • maggPi
        maggPi
        August 27, 2012, 10:05 pm | # | Reply

        Hmmm…. In elementary school, we were taught that these creatures are herbivores. If we are gonna re-classify them as vegans, would it be also accurate to sub-classify them as raw-foodists?

        (hiya, biggmac!)

    • Bruceski
      Bruceski
      August 27, 2012, 1:29 am | # | Reply

      Their swords are no match for log-based technology!

  3. Moe Lane
    Moe Lane
    August 27, 2012, 12:23 am | # | Reply

    And remember, Timmi: when in doubt, go for the eyes.

    • Bruceski
      Bruceski
      August 27, 2012, 1:30 am | # | Reply

      That’s something every miniature giant forest hamster knows instinctually.

      • Bruceski
        Bruceski
        August 27, 2012, 1:30 am | # | Reply

        Gah, squirrel! Miniature giant forest squirrel!

        • maggPi
          maggPi
          August 27, 2012, 10:07 pm | # | Reply

          “…Gonads and Strife…”

          • coldelectrons
            coldelectrons
            August 28, 2012, 6:51 am | # | Reply

            Wheeeeeee!

  4. Joe
    Joe
    August 27, 2012, 12:30 am | # | Reply

    Just stay away from those wells, Timmi.

  5. Val Hallen
    Val Hallen
    August 27, 2012, 12:36 am | # | Reply

    Timmi? But where’s Kronk?

    • coldelectrons
      coldelectrons
      August 27, 2012, 1:47 am | # | Reply

      If this was Dwarf Fortress (in it’s current incarnation) that troll would heal, but not necessarily with his guts back inside where they should be…resulting in various kinds of Fun.

      • coldelectrons
        coldelectrons
        August 27, 2012, 1:48 am | # | Reply

        Someday I’m gonna figure out why posting replies to where I don’t want them sometimes happens.

        • The_Rippy_One
          The_Rippy_One
          August 27, 2012, 12:34 pm | # | Reply

          The server recognizes your icon, and is trying to give you something to complain about?

          • maggPi
            maggPi
            August 27, 2012, 10:11 pm | # | Reply

            Hahaha! I love the idea that that’s possible! Annoying for coldelectrons if true, but damn funny!

  6. Galliun
    Galliun
    August 27, 2012, 12:57 am | # | Reply

    Lord, Byron, you sure have guts!

    • biggmac
      biggmac
      August 27, 2012, 1:04 am | # | Reply

      Don’t axe him about consonants, but he knows his bowels.

      • CliffMonster
        CliffMonster
        August 27, 2012, 9:06 am | # | Reply

        His new weapons are totally sickle!

      • maggPi
        maggPi
        August 27, 2012, 10:34 pm | # | Reply

        “Omigawwd… D’you, like, have IBS?”
        “Yes. (beat) No, you idiot! I have a *sword* in my gut! It was that berserker guy he—- gcckkkxx! Blearg! Ugh.” (expires)

  7. coldelectrons
    coldelectrons
    August 27, 2012, 1:59 am | # | Reply

    You put your swordblade in
    They put their insides out
    You put your swordblade in
    and you shake it all about

    You do the penetralia pokey
    ’till the battle’s turned around
    That’s what it’s all about.

    • biggmac
      biggmac
      August 27, 2012, 2:26 am | # | Reply

      It’s just a cut to the left
      And then a stab to the right
      Slice his hands and his hips
      And lop his knees off tight
      But it’s the pelvic thrust
      That really neuters him ta-a-a-ame,
      Let’s do the troll warp again!

      • coldelectrons
        coldelectrons
        August 27, 2012, 3:27 am | # | Reply

        I was cooped in, my only sin
        carrying my axes afore
        I thought there’s no use getting into blood-letting
        It only leads to trouble and pants-wetting…

        Now all I want to know is where’d Syr’Nj go?
        I’ve tasted sillibus and I want more
        I’ve gained ‘zerk resistance, I want to stay the distance
        I’ve got an troll to dispatch, I need assistance:

        Buffa buffa buffa buff me, I want STR 30
        heal me swift me stoneskin me
        Science me tonight.

        • Darkening
          Darkening
          August 27, 2012, 3:46 am | # | Reply

          I got the first two, but I have no idea what this third one is parodying.

          • Fairportfan
            Fairportfan
            August 27, 2012, 3:52 am | # | Reply

            Janet’s verse of “Toucha Toouch Me” from Rocky Horror

            • coldelectrons
              coldelectrons
              August 27, 2012, 4:14 am | # | Reply

              Let me continue with the other RHPS songs…we’ll see if I can’t evoke mental images of our favorite GA characters in fishnets.

              • maggPi
                maggPi
                August 27, 2012, 10:16 pm | # | Reply

                WOOOO!! Gold, star-shaped condoms all around!

                • Mujaki
                  Mujaki
                  August 28, 2012, 1:05 am | # | Reply

                  I do NOT want to know what those are designed to fit.

                  • Hawk
                    Hawk
                    August 28, 2012, 9:50 am | # | Reply

                    Starfish. Duh.

                    • Andreas
                      Andreas
                      August 29, 2012, 5:02 am | #

                      I do not want this image of Unsounded’s Starfish in fishnets, thank you very much.
                      Please take it back!

  8. Taxil Necrobane
    Taxil Necrobane
    August 27, 2012, 2:44 am | # | Reply

    It seems to me that Bryon is.. (puts shades on) making a gut check right now.
    YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAA!!!!!

    • Llama118
      Llama118
      August 27, 2012, 6:11 am | # | Reply

      You’re intestine my patience

      • Llama118
        Llama118
        August 27, 2012, 6:14 am | # | Reply

        I just realized I said “urine testing”
        Wonder what sort of plants they’re growing out there

        • The Indomitable Eric
          The Indomitable Eric
          August 27, 2012, 9:43 am | # | Reply

          They’re medicinal!

          • maggPi
            maggPi
            August 27, 2012, 10:22 pm | # | Reply

            Next time someone posts a comment involving application or removal of shades, I expect a David Caruso impression, thank you! (“Horatio Caine’s da man, y’all!”)

            Seriously… I’m pretty sure Gravedust could pull off that impression quite successfully.

  9. ahdok
    ahdok
    August 27, 2012, 5:47 am | # | Reply

    Frigg’s right about the first rule of fight club.

  10. DrPessanha
    DrPessanha
    August 27, 2012, 6:29 am | # | Reply

    whuta kind n’me is GR’ZL?? ‘nd who da fuck is he???

    • Mujaki
      Mujaki
      August 28, 2012, 1:21 am | # | Reply

      Gr’Zl is a guardian of the forest’s borders, a mighty hunter, and somewhat of an unsufferable egotist. We first meet him here:
      http://guildedage.net/webcomic/chapter-17/chapter-17-page-1/

      • DrPessanha
        DrPessanha
        August 29, 2012, 6:20 am | # | Reply

        thanks =)

  11. Catbus
    Catbus
    August 27, 2012, 7:16 am | # | Reply

    He’s fo’ gr’zl, my n’zls.

  12. Aazen
    Aazen
    August 27, 2012, 7:54 am | # | Reply

    Go for the Optic Timmi! Go for the… ah…

  13. Fren
    Fren
    August 27, 2012, 8:15 am | # | Reply

    Man, I’m having Squirrel Girl flashbacks. Get ’em, Tippy-Toe!

    • Anvildude
      Anvildude
      August 27, 2012, 11:31 am | # | Reply

      Glad I’m not the only one.

    • Loki
      Loki
      August 27, 2012, 5:21 pm | # | Reply

      Never heard of em – but some cursory internet research later, I’m thinking that’s either got to be intentional, or it’s an uncanny coincidence. Probably intentional, I think.
      source: http://www.marvunapp.com/Appendix/sqlgrl.htm

  14. krogaladin
    krogaladin
    August 27, 2012, 8:34 am | # | Reply

    Fr’Nj referring to the citizens as wood elves seems funny to me, like if I greeted everyone with “whats up, human”.

    • The Indomitable Eric
      The Indomitable Eric
      August 27, 2012, 9:44 am | # | Reply

      So many fantasy games do this. If you have the option of choosing a race, you always end up with all the other humans in the bar going ‘Hello, human’ like they’re surprised to see another one.

      • Whatev
        Whatev
        August 28, 2012, 4:16 am | # | Reply

        Hello, fellow human. I am a human just like you, and not a horror from beyond space and time wearing the flayed skin of one of your kind!

        • coldelectrons
          coldelectrons
          August 28, 2012, 6:39 am | # | Reply

          Yeah, pull the other one, it’s got bells on.

          • Valdrax
            Valdrax
            August 28, 2012, 6:56 am | # | Reply

            …Why would you tie bells onto a flayed human skin?

            • Aleister Crow
              Aleister Crow
              August 28, 2012, 2:27 pm | # | Reply

              Where else would you tie bells?

  15. Somebody
    Somebody
    August 27, 2012, 12:23 pm | # | Reply

    Rachel is laughing in the middle of a full-scale battle. The bredth of her badassery never ceases to surprise me.

    • biggmac
      biggmac
      August 27, 2012, 1:01 pm | # | Reply

      Freud says you’re a little obsessed with her bad ass and breadths.

      • blackaeon
        blackaeon
        August 27, 2012, 1:05 pm | # | Reply

        Don’t even get started on Scip’s cigar.

        • Jean-Luc
          Jean-Luc
          August 27, 2012, 1:51 pm | # | Reply

          Sometimes a cigar is just a HUGE PENIS!

    • Loki
      Loki
      August 27, 2012, 5:25 pm | # | Reply

      I figured she was goading Frigg into using her super glowy mace shit. Wasn’t it sorta established when they trained together that pissing Frigg off is her glowy trigger?

      • MathMage
        MathMage
        August 27, 2012, 8:51 pm | # | Reply

        No, it’s funny because Scipio just got propositioned in the last 10 or so strips.

        • maggPi
          maggPi
          August 27, 2012, 10:25 pm | # | Reply

          (singsong voice) “Rach knows sumptin’ Frigg don’t know! (Omg! Lols!)”

  16. Veggieburrito
    Veggieburrito
    August 27, 2012, 1:54 pm | # | Reply

    Axes?? Who needs em?

  17. hopeless
    hopeless
    August 27, 2012, 1:58 pm | # | Reply

    How long before the bad guys realise the beserker is heading their way given how their best warrior reacted the last time do you think they’ll panic once they see him?

    • zomg
      zomg
      August 27, 2012, 3:53 pm | # | Reply

      Yes indeed. Some may also remember how they all apparently failed to kill him. *That*’s gonna make’em think twice.

    • Loki
      Loki
      August 27, 2012, 5:28 pm | # | Reply

      Iunno. I get the feeling this is one big setup for The Four to all converge on the Summoning Circle, just as someone says “You are too late, Peacemakers! Now behold, as I call forth TEUTONICUS!”

      • randomdude
        randomdude
        August 27, 2012, 11:45 pm | # | Reply

        And then they’re all: “Oh Crap! I meant tectonicus. Oh well. We got a larger-than-normal Teuton instead.”

        • zomg
          zomg
          August 28, 2012, 3:50 pm | # | Reply

          I might be plenty afraid of Teutonicus – I mean look what they managed in the first half of the twentieth century on this planet.

  18. flevine
    flevine
    August 27, 2012, 4:53 pm | # | Reply

    Love panel 5.

  19. Hypotehtical
    Hypotehtical
    August 27, 2012, 9:08 pm | # | Reply

    Just got caught up after having been gone for a long, long time. Like, before the big reveal of them being in a game long time.
    Love the way this comic has evolved over the years. Seems pretty obvious that Best and Keynes are played by the same person somehow. Kinda curious how that works.
    I’m guessing that Harky is one of the non-embedded PCs. I’ve been going over actions trying to figure out who outside the Five are real people and who are NPCs. Pretty sure I’ve got them all nailed down.

  20. Mujaki
    Mujaki
    August 28, 2012, 1:24 am | # | Reply

    “The animals must be saved as well. Lead them to safety, Timmi.”
    So, does that include the Avians? And the Land Sharks? How about the Gnolls?

    • coldelectrons
      coldelectrons
      August 28, 2012, 6:48 am | # | Reply

      That just doesn’t hold up in practice. Deer are too stupid to live – put headlights on something and they will take off at a dead run from a mile away just to jump in front of it. And possums? Too stupid – and tough – to die. The pea-brain herbivores would run towards danger, and the pea-brain marsupials would be blindly scurrying around, underfoot and everywhere.

      Timmi, just spread the word to everyone except the deer and possums, and get the hell outta Dodge.

    • Snowblind
      Snowblind
      August 28, 2012, 11:20 am | # | Reply

      What’s that Timmi? A Landshark fell down the well?

      • Nee Hou
        Nee Hou
        August 28, 2012, 12:15 pm | # | Reply

        There’s too many animals in the forest for just him to save,

        We’re Gonna Need Another Timmi!

        • jjarodurandal
          jjarodurandal
          August 28, 2012, 9:29 pm | # | Reply

          borrow one from The Lords Of The Underworld?

          • Nee Hou
            Nee Hou
            August 29, 2012, 8:19 am | # | Reply

            But they almost have the complete set now!
            Do you know how long it took to collect them with that stupid dog interfering.

  21. Vandegraff
    Vandegraff
    August 28, 2012, 8:19 pm | # | Reply

    Byron looks ten times more badass in the fifth panel than he has in a while now. All impending doom and such. Grawr.

  22. jjarodurandal
    jjarodurandal
    August 28, 2012, 9:28 pm | # | Reply

    Byron is proving that he can hack it, even in the toughest of situations.

  23. A random human
    A random human
    August 28, 2012, 10:43 pm | # | Reply

    Come to think of it, people, if Scipio is infatuated – kind of – with Miss Whatshername (the Elf riding a giant elk is this page), doesn’t that put her in concurrence with Frigg ?

    I hope it will not break into a cat fight. I wood’nt want to see pointy ears being punched uncouscious by the Red Madness.

  24. sasbot
    sasbot
    September 13, 2012, 12:13 pm | # | Reply

    If panel 5 was a wallpaper, shut up and take my money. (admittedly not very much of it to take right now, but still.)

  25. sasbot
    sasbot
    September 13, 2012, 12:16 pm | # | Reply

    If panel 5 were to become (or has already become) a wallpaper or poster print, shut up and take my money!

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Guilded Age is co-written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn, and illustrated by John Waltrip. Site design by Samantha Kyle. Fonts by Blambot.com.
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