New Comics Every Weekday - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip
Fight Invaders Regret Snatching Trinket
New Order Obviously Needs Energy, Creating A Rare Ecological Symbiosis
C’mon, I do it with class and even keep it relevant to the current page but you gotta disparage me while the mind shatteringly bad puns get the run of the roost
They Were All So Timidly Rude Unto The Hellion
This comic has a long and delightful tradition of mindshatteringly bad puns. The puns were here first. And they endure. Basically, anything clever (and not overtly offensive) goes. I have no problem with your post. I also have no problem with JarrysKid’s method of reply. Both are clever. Occasionally, Phil says something has gone too far, but until that point if it’s clever, it’s fine.
Puns on the internet. The best use for the internet.
Indeed, CloSeph. I find your post to be the most tasteful manner of “FURST POAST” bantery that I’ve seen as yet. And Jarry … wonderful riposte. Counterfeit stars for the both of you, as I’ve no authority to pass out the real deal. *slowclap*
Statistical sampling suggests that users hand out gold stars to each other at approximately 2x the rate that Phil does :)
And only periodically does Phil object.
This is not one of those times.
MORE BANTER FOR THE BANTER GOD.
Seriously, what is up with that? You guys are like, Hell bent on ruining their specialness.
yea guys, hand out banana stickers. you can like, buy those on the internet.
Gotta collect ‘em all!
Banana sticker to CloSeph. I was only parodying the usual response to the not-so-well-done “First!” posters, (whom I find insanely irritating) as you seemed to be parodying them. I do think your posts are witty and worth reading, and I hope my response was taken in the spirit of fun. If not….
Glaringly Obvious Fail Undoes Comic Kinship, Yet Our Undetermined Relationship Sustains Elegant Life Force.
I had to refrain from initialing that last statement myself. I thought “Why would someone go that far without meaning it”
Also, it’s starting to get hammered into the pavement and going the way of the puns and stars ;~;
Given that I started that line of reference, the fact that we currently share avatars is a little unnerving.
I don’t know what you mean.
So, if there’s these sorts of revelations of everyone’s internal state of mind going on right now… does that make it a Know-Ego Wood?
So, I lit a fire; isn’t it good, Know-Ego Wood?
It was a match made in hell, now the whole mountain burns!
Don’t go into the tall grass! You don’t have a pokemon equipped!
Why does that shark-man have a spinal column, when shark bodies are supported by cartilage? MOST UNREALISTIC COMIC EVER
Sure – they have spinal columns made of cartilage. Just like a land-dolphin has 2 feet instead of ventral fins. You could amputate them, but that would…
DE-FEET THE PORPOISE X0
I hate this but I also love it >.>
I can’t believe you made that joke on porpoise…
S/he made it into a feeture.
While we’re on the subject of land-bound piscean species, I’d like to bring attention to the overpopulation problems of the Akerran lungfish. The Akerran lungfish can travel up to 30 miles inland, lays ten thousand eggs at a time, and devours almost every kind of crop produced by agricultural communities. The little blighters are too fast to be easily caught, and the eggs are nigh invisible to the human eye. However, the newly hatched lungfish are weak and slow, and the hatching occurs but once a year.
This has led to festivals held every year, becoming a major event near the coasts. Some enterprising villages have even tried to draw in the tourist crowd to help – contests to see who kill the most.
Not quite being the most literary of villages, the posters and billboards for the contests read:
U 2 can HACK LUNG-BABY
I don’t get it.
[sighs] I probably should have worked on it some more.
U2′s seventh album, Achtung Baby?
No, it was good, it’s just that it had was a slightly more obscure (read: older – why can’t the English teach their children how to speak/research?!) reference than most people would be familiar with.
Late to the party, but I liked it. In a “someone call the Pun Patrol, we got a runner” sort of way, but I did get the joke. :P
WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA! Sweet Jeegus, biggmac. That was a good’un.
Present 120 Gold Stars
Have you been keeping track this whole time?
I was vaguely interested in how many gold stars I actually had when Phil gave me one a week ago, so I went back to count. (I’m an insomniac, and sometimes my brain is off but I can’t sleep. Mindless tasks like data-mining seem to help, so I did some.) It wasn’t more effort to count everyone than it was to count me.
It turned out that we were 1 star short of 120 when I did, so I drew this picture.
Since it’s my real world job to care about stats, I should provide some caveats:
1) The award is for 120 stars, because that’s the number of gold stars in modern Mario games.
2) Because Phil sometimes mentions “gold star” without awarding one, or occasionally awards one in a phrase other than “gold star” it’s not very feasible to set up a script to count. This is therefore a manual count, and thus may be susceptible to human error.
3) Erica awarded 3 gold stars early on, these were not counted, as they are obviously tied to her gamer account, rather than Phil’s
4) I only counted stars for comment pages of the main comic feed, not comments for blog posts or G+ or the forums or anything.
5) Because people are bound to ask, The person with the most stars is Karishi, at 10. 73 people have been awarded gold stars. The biggest starbinge was chapter 9, at 16 stars.
6) Others award gold stars (collectively) about twice as often as Phil, however I didn’t count these, so it’s only an impression of how common they are.
7) Phil awarded Timelost 0.5 gold stars for a quantum physics joke. This has been counted as 0.5 stars, and thus the total is actually 120.5
8) Phil awarded Lynxx a double gold star for one joke. This has been counted as 2 gold stars
9) Phil revoked a star from Jean-Luc, this was included in the total, because it was awarded, even if it was later revoked.
10) Phil appeared to award a gold star to Hawk, but it’s not 100% clear from his comment that he was doing this. This was included in the total.
11) Phil awarded one gold star to John Waltrip. This was included in the total, even if you think it’s nepotism.
That’s all :)
Goodness you must have a lot of free time on your hand. No offense intended, it is just that I would never have the patience to collect all that information.
I’m very patient :)
OCD for the win!
ahdok’s insomnia is cooler than mine. Gold-plated Latitnum star.
Speaking of insomnia, I did a 24H comic this weekend You can see it here.
That is epically amazing. Thank you for sharing the data you collected!
You might find it interesting that I believe my assistant at work, who is much more detail- and data-crunch-oriented than I, would probably have done a similar thing, and with equal glee. I find her help invaluable in my role as the manager of quality for a clinical software company!
Thanks again, and have a wonderful weekend and more!
Light and laughter,
Wonderfully done! I tried to count my gold stars once, when I was rereading the strip, but there was a problem with not showing all the comments, so I think it’s five. But, as far as I know, I’m the only one who got a “…I’ll be in my bunk.”
So I feel special. :-)
I have you down as five, yes :)
How many times have people boggled Phil with a mental image, to which his reply was “Can’t unsee.”?
Oh. no you don’t.
Because he is now more man than shark, twisted and lawyerly.
Which is fitting, given that Syr appear intent on clearing out the wretched scum and villainy.
She’s Bough-dlerizing it, as it were.
Bipedalism requires a number of physiological changes. You can’t just put feet on a fish and expect it to be able to walk upright.
What wwlaos said. Land Sharks would have to have evolved a thicker, possibly 100% calcium-based spine in order to walk upright.
At this point, our sourcerer’s magic has completely and utterly backfired. Wow, just wow. He is going to have to severely adjust his strategy.
And he’s bound to become even more sour; dour, even.
One bough to rule B’ial,
One bough Tectonicus-finder,
One bough yoinked by Syr
And in her madness, blind her…
Syr’Nj! Drop the ring into the lav- …umm, I mean, the stick to the ground!
…then Byron is zapped, left in nothing but a loin cloth and starts rambling about “the precious”
No, Byron goes to grab it off her, but then she bites off his Bough and tumbles to a fiery death.
The idea of somebody biting off my Bough makes me shudder.
No, no. There would be fiery death if Tectonicus had been summoned. Instead, they’re going to fall into a big pile of leaves.
Sparkle mace is sparkley. And FABULOUS!
Appropriate avatar is appropriate
Gee, I hope there’s no negative ramifications of telling that secret to all of their most feared, rapacious enemies.
Oh, and to to the World’s Rebellion too.
I think they already knew.
Anyway, she’s making it real. If they thought they just had a happy happy joy joy land, that will change. They have to realize that they only even exist due to the stick; so they’ve got to start taking its defense seriously.
They could set up a special task force to guard it day in and day out. I’d call it, the Order of the Stick.
You’d give something that powerful to Elan to look after?
Hang on, the World’s Rebellion didn’t already know (even though they were talking about the importance of the bough, and not just for summoning Tectonicus), or the elves didn’t know (even though they were also talking about the bough, and with no awareness of summoning Tectonicus)?
English grammar is annoyingly ambiguous.
Worst. Agony Aunt. Ever.
Syr’nj Syr’nj Syr’nj!…..are you sure you should have broadcast that tiny little detail about an irreplaceable artifact being the thing that keeps the forest chugging along when the enemy is invading? Unless, y’know, you’re possessed by said branch and then that’s totally okay ’cause *obviously* the branch knows what it’s doing, right? Right? Yeah, right, everything is completely under control, nothing to see here. Move along, move along. No, no pictures allowed.
The image of the vines forming giant, ent-like hands in the first panel is simply beautiful.
Hands? Are you sure you ent just seeing things?
My eyesight is just vine. Those are totally phlange-like growths.
I blame that guy for all of this happening.
Frigg: OHHHH FUCKSHITEWEGONNADIENOW!!
Bitches be crazy, yo.
Birches be crazy, yo.
That’s my name, don’t wear it out :)
Your parents must hate you.
(So, is that ffft-fie, fff-tff-ee, or just “fifty?”)
Oak-A, you got me.
No! don’t go towards the light!
Clearly this is…Gang Green Style!
op, op-op op-op, oppa Gang Green style!
The Gang Green Gang says “‘Sa’right.”
Better hope the World’s Rebellion is taking good care of their wounded, otherwise it’ll be Gangrene Style in their camp.
But the light… it burrrrrrns.
Druids, man. Always so judgemental.
That’s why i roll up a priest. the holy spec is better at healing.
Nah dude, a warrior with some bandages is good enough.
Hmm… Brings to mind this scenario;
(at screaming wounded) “Tell me where it hurts.”
“Sir, can you show me where it hurts?”
-still screaming, starts to writhe-
“Sir; I’ve got some bandages. I can make it better.”
-screaming abruptly stops-
(passing field medic inspects patient) “Soldier, I hardly think wrapping gauze around the patient’s mouth to stop the screaming counts as ‘making it better.’”
Agreed. Holy Priests rock.
Hey Syr, don’t dis the bough.
In Soviet Russia, The Bough breaks you!
I vill crush you! – Bough
Syr’Nj: Sorry guys, cat stepped on the capslock button…
Frigg: I GLUED DOWN MY CAPSLOCK BUTTON BECAUSE CAPS ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
=( i hope penk is ok
I wanted to make some pithy comment,
perhaps to make light of the situation.
Manfred Mann’s ‘Blinded by the Light’
seems to offer some possibilities, but
nothing seems to have bloomed.
This makes me wonder what would have been the result of summoning Tectonicus, particularly for the World’s Rebellion. I’m sure any wood elf you asked up until now would have thought it a brilliant idea to summon Graiya.
Heh. And I guess it’s more likely we’re gonna see Graiya in the tags before Tectonicus, after all.
AHH! I just noticed: Someone put Auraugu’s mask back on! Does that mean he’s merely wounded and he put it on himself? Or that he’s so ugly that someone did it for him?
I don’t think that’s Awroogoo; he’s got shoulder armor that I never saw on the fuzzy people’s champion.
She’s going to Final Strike the bough, destroying the enemy and the forest together, and requiring the wood elves to go get real jobs. Meanwhile, in the outworld, the sudden deletion of graiyabough.dll further destablizes the system.
I love the alt text, as usual.
So, just to be clear here:
Are we seeing Graiya’s Bough of Ire?
This is by far the most enjoyable comic to read alongside with its comments. I suck at puns, so I just read. But – had to express my appreciation. Y’all rock.
First panel : Are they savage races being routed by Graiya’s Bough/Syr’Nj ?
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