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New Comics Every M/W/F - Written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn - Illustrated by John & Jason Waltrip

YOU SHALL CHECK YOURSELVES, BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELVES.

Chapter 18 – Page 24

on September 21, 2012
Chapter: Chapter 18
└ Tags: Fr'Nj, Frigg, Rachel, Scipio, Syr'Nj
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Discussion (116) ¬

  1. CloSeph
    CloSeph
    September 21, 2012, 12:03 am | # | Reply

    Fight Invaders Regret Snatching Trinket

    • JarrysKid
      JarrysKid
      September 21, 2012, 12:59 am | # | Reply

      New Order Obviously Needs Energy, Creating A Rare Ecological Symbiosis

      • Masterof7s
        Masterof7s
        September 21, 2012, 1:23 am | # | Reply

        *claps*

      • CloSeph
        CloSeph
        September 21, 2012, 1:56 am | # | Reply

        C’mon, I do it with class and even keep it relevant to the current page but you gotta disparage me while the mind shatteringly bad puns get the run of the roost

        • Andreas
          Andreas
          September 21, 2012, 2:27 am | # | Reply

          They Were All So Timidly Rude Unto The Hellion

        • centuriancode
          centuriancode
          September 21, 2012, 6:13 am | # | Reply

          This comic has a long and delightful tradition of mindshatteringly bad puns. The puns were here first. And they endure. Basically, anything clever (and not overtly offensive) goes. I have no problem with your post. I also have no problem with JarrysKid’s method of reply. Both are clever. Occasionally, Phil says something has gone too far, but until that point if it’s clever, it’s fine.

          • ahdok
            ahdok
            September 21, 2012, 6:21 am | # | Reply

            Puns on the internet. The best use for the internet.

            • Fren
              Fren
              September 21, 2012, 7:18 am | # | Reply

              Indeed, CloSeph. I find your post to be the most tasteful manner of “FURST POAST” bantery that I’ve seen as yet. And Jarry … wonderful riposte. Counterfeit stars for the both of you, as I’ve no authority to pass out the real deal. *slowclap*

              • ahdok
                ahdok
                September 21, 2012, 8:42 am | # | Reply

                Statistical sampling suggests that users hand out gold stars to each other at approximately 2x the rate that Phil does :)

                • centuriancode
                  centuriancode
                  September 21, 2012, 9:48 am | # | Reply

                  And only periodically does Phil object.

                  • Phil
                    Phil
                    September 21, 2012, 10:16 am | # | Reply

                    This is not one of those times.

                    MORE BANTER FOR THE BANTER GOD.

                • Phil
                  Phil
                  September 21, 2012, 10:15 am | # | Reply

                  Seriously, what is up with that? You guys are like, Hell bent on ruining their specialness.

                  • Seggs
                    Seggs
                    September 21, 2012, 12:29 pm | # | Reply

                    yea guys, hand out banana stickers. you can like, buy those on the internet.

                  • coldelectrons
                    coldelectrons
                    September 22, 2012, 4:28 am | # | Reply

                    Gotta collect ’em all!

          • SotiCoto
            SotiCoto
            January 21, 2015, 8:04 am | # | Reply

            A pun alone warrants an eye-roll.
            A clichéd and overused pun (nuns and axes come to mind by now) warrants a reprimand.
            The storms of clichéd and overused puns that regularly show up here are an abomination… and frankly they make me ashamed to share the same planet with the people responsible.

            Even the bog-standard “first” post is nothing compared to any of that. Completely harmless. Mostly not anything at all. The Anti-First hate is a definite negative though, which easily makes it worse than that which it hates on.

            CloSeph managed to actually turn the tide and set a new standard… making something decent out of something bland… which is quite the impressive achievement.
            So to be quite honest… this achievement ought to be celebrated… and not even compared to the perpetual stream of word-sewage that percolates perpetually throughout the comments of this site.

            • Speedy
              Speedy
              December 3, 2018, 8:14 am | # | Reply

              So, you’re getting bent out of shape, because pun threads bight the big one?

              Sorry, sorry. I’ll stop being knotty.

        • JarrysKid
          JarrysKid
          September 21, 2012, 10:54 pm | # | Reply

          Banana sticker to CloSeph. I was only parodying the usual response to the not-so-well-done “First!” posters, (whom I find insanely irritating) as you seemed to be parodying them. I do think your posts are witty and worth reading, and I hope my response was taken in the spirit of fun. If not….
          Glaringly Obvious Fail Undoes Comic Kinship, Yet Our Undetermined Relationship Sustains Elegant Life Force.
          :-)

          • CloSeph
            CloSeph
            September 22, 2012, 2:49 am | # | Reply

            I had to refrain from initialing that last statement myself. I thought “Why would someone go that far without meaning it”

            Also, it’s starting to get hammered into the pavement and going the way of the puns and stars ;~;

    • Veggieburrito
      Veggieburrito
      September 21, 2012, 1:29 pm | # | Reply

      Let’s
      Agree to
      Stop
      Talking

      • biggmac
        biggmac
        September 21, 2012, 6:01 pm | # | Reply

        Never
        Opine
        Prematurely, V
        Eggieburrito!:)

  2. Joe
    Joe
    September 21, 2012, 12:04 am | # | Reply

    Leadership: re-de-stabilized.

    • Mordecai
      Mordecai
      September 21, 2012, 2:04 pm | # | Reply

      Given that I started that line of reference, the fact that we currently share avatars is a little unnerving.

      • Mordecai
        Mordecai
        September 21, 2012, 2:47 pm | # | Reply

        I don’t know what you mean.

  3. Moe Lane
    Moe Lane
    September 21, 2012, 12:05 am | # | Reply

    So, if there’s these sorts of revelations of everyone’s internal state of mind going on right now… does that make it a Know-Ego Wood?

    • JarrysKid
      JarrysKid
      September 21, 2012, 1:02 am | # | Reply

      So, I lit a fire; isn’t it good, Know-Ego Wood?

      • ahdok
        ahdok
        September 21, 2012, 3:45 am | # | Reply

        It was a match made in hell, now the whole mountain burns!

  4. Garygolf
    Garygolf
    September 21, 2012, 12:05 am | # | Reply

    Oh….SNAP!

    • ahdok
      ahdok
      September 21, 2012, 3:56 am | # | Reply

      Don’t go into the tall grass! You don’t have a pokemon equipped!

  5. OamuTheMonk
    OamuTheMonk
    September 21, 2012, 12:16 am | # | Reply

    Why does that shark-man have a spinal column, when shark bodies are supported by cartilage? MOST UNREALISTIC COMIC EVER

    • biggmac
      biggmac
      September 21, 2012, 12:27 am | # | Reply

      Sure – they have spinal columns made of cartilage. Just like a land-dolphin has 2 feet instead of ventral fins. You could amputate them, but that would…
      DE-FEET THE PORPOISE X0

      • volpalope
        volpalope
        September 21, 2012, 1:33 am | # | Reply

        I hate this but I also love it >.>

      • ahdok
        ahdok
        September 21, 2012, 3:57 am | # | Reply

        I can’t believe you made that joke on porpoise…

        • centuriancode
          centuriancode
          September 21, 2012, 6:15 am | # | Reply

          S/he made it into a feeture.

      • coldelectrons
        coldelectrons
        September 21, 2012, 6:37 am | # | Reply

        While we’re on the subject of land-bound piscean species, I’d like to bring attention to the overpopulation problems of the Akerran lungfish. The Akerran lungfish can travel up to 30 miles inland, lays ten thousand eggs at a time, and devours almost every kind of crop produced by agricultural communities. The little blighters are too fast to be easily caught, and the eggs are nigh invisible to the human eye. However, the newly hatched lungfish are weak and slow, and the hatching occurs but once a year.

        This has led to festivals held every year, becoming a major event near the coasts. Some enterprising villages have even tried to draw in the tourist crowd to help – contests to see who kill the most.

        Not quite being the most literary of villages, the posters and billboards for the contests read:

        U 2 can HACK LUNG-BABY

        • ahdok
          ahdok
          September 21, 2012, 6:44 am | # | Reply

          I don’t get it.

        • coldelectrons
          coldelectrons
          September 21, 2012, 7:15 am | # | Reply

          [sighs] I probably should have worked on it some more.

          • Fren
            Fren
            September 21, 2012, 7:22 am | # | Reply

            U2’s seventh album, Achtung Baby?

          • centuriancode
            centuriancode
            September 21, 2012, 9:50 am | # | Reply

            No, it was good, it’s just that it had was a slightly more obscure (read: older – why can’t the English teach their children how to speak/research?!) reference than most people would be familiar with.

        • Tindi
          Tindi
          September 21, 2012, 2:11 pm | # | Reply

          Late to the party, but I liked it. In a “someone call the Pun Patrol, we got a runner” sort of way, but I did get the joke. :P

      • Fren
        Fren
        September 21, 2012, 7:19 am | # | Reply

        WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA! Sweet Jeegus, biggmac. That was a good’un.

      • Phil
        Phil
        September 21, 2012, 10:22 am | # | Reply

        Gold Star.

        • ahdok
          ahdok
          September 21, 2012, 11:32 am | # | Reply

          ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

          Present 120 Gold Stars

          • Logos
            Logos
            September 21, 2012, 12:53 pm | # | Reply

            Have you been keeping track this whole time?

            • ahdok
              ahdok
              September 21, 2012, 1:15 pm | # | Reply

              I was vaguely interested in how many gold stars I actually had when Phil gave me one a week ago, so I went back to count. (I’m an insomniac, and sometimes my brain is off but I can’t sleep. Mindless tasks like data-mining seem to help, so I did some.) It wasn’t more effort to count everyone than it was to count me.

              It turned out that we were 1 star short of 120 when I did, so I drew this picture.

              Since it’s my real world job to care about stats, I should provide some caveats:

              1) The award is for 120 stars, because that’s the number of gold stars in modern Mario games.

              2) Because Phil sometimes mentions “gold star” without awarding one, or occasionally awards one in a phrase other than “gold star” it’s not very feasible to set up a script to count. This is therefore a manual count, and thus may be susceptible to human error.

              3) Erica awarded 3 gold stars early on, these were not counted, as they are obviously tied to her gamer account, rather than Phil’s

              4) I only counted stars for comment pages of the main comic feed, not comments for blog posts or G+ or the forums or anything.

              5) Because people are bound to ask, The person with the most stars is Karishi, at 10. 73 people have been awarded gold stars. The biggest starbinge was chapter 9, at 16 stars.

              6) Others award gold stars (collectively) about twice as often as Phil, however I didn’t count these, so it’s only an impression of how common they are.

              7) Phil awarded Timelost 0.5 gold stars for a quantum physics joke. This has been counted as 0.5 stars, and thus the total is actually 120.5

              8) Phil awarded Lynxx a double gold star for one joke. This has been counted as 2 gold stars

              9) Phil revoked a star from Jean-Luc, this was included in the total, because it was awarded, even if it was later revoked.

              10) Phil appeared to award a gold star to Hawk, but it’s not 100% clear from his comment that he was doing this. This was included in the total.

              11) Phil awarded one gold star to John Waltrip. This was included in the total, even if you think it’s nepotism.

              That’s all :)

              • Veggieburrito
                Veggieburrito
                September 21, 2012, 1:34 pm | # | Reply

                Goodness you must have a lot of free time on your hand. No offense intended, it is just that I would never have the patience to collect all that information.

                • ahdok
                  ahdok
                  September 21, 2012, 1:36 pm | # | Reply

                  I’m very patient :)

              • Golnor
                Golnor
                September 21, 2012, 1:39 pm | # | Reply

                OCD for the win!

              • maggPi
                maggPi
                September 21, 2012, 4:09 pm | # | Reply

                ahdok’s insomnia is cooler than mine. Gold-plated Latitnum star.

                • ahdok
                  ahdok
                  September 23, 2012, 2:32 pm | # | Reply

                  Speaking of insomnia, I did a 24H comic this weekend You can see it here.

              • SongCoyote
                SongCoyote
                September 21, 2012, 7:44 pm | # | Reply

                That is epically amazing. Thank you for sharing the data you collected!

                You might find it interesting that I believe my assistant at work, who is much more detail- and data-crunch-oriented than I, would probably have done a similar thing, and with equal glee. I find her help invaluable in my role as the manager of quality for a clinical software company!

                Thanks again, and have a wonderful weekend and more!

                Light and laughter,
                SongCoyote

              • JarrysKid
                JarrysKid
                September 21, 2012, 11:09 pm | # | Reply

                Wonderfully done! I tried to count my gold stars once, when I was rereading the strip, but there was a problem with not showing all the comments, so I think it’s five. But, as far as I know, I’m the only one who got a “…I’ll be in my bunk.”

                So I feel special. :-)

                • ahdok
                  ahdok
                  September 22, 2012, 5:32 am | # | Reply

                  I have you down as five, yes :)

              • coldelectrons
                coldelectrons
                September 22, 2012, 4:22 am | # | Reply

                How many times have people boggled Phil with a mental image, to which his reply was “Can’t unsee.”?

                • ahdok
                  ahdok
                  September 22, 2012, 5:31 am | # | Reply

                  Oh. no you don’t.

    • Valdrax
      Valdrax
      September 21, 2012, 1:22 am | # | Reply

      Because he is now more man than shark, twisted and lawyerly.

      • centuriancode
        centuriancode
        September 21, 2012, 1:29 am | # | Reply

        Which is fitting, given that Syr appear intent on clearing out the wretched scum and villainy.

        • Just Visiting
          Just Visiting
          September 22, 2012, 2:25 pm | # | Reply

          She’s Bough-dlerizing it, as it were.

    • wwlaos
      wwlaos
      September 21, 2012, 10:02 am | # | Reply

      Bipedalism requires a number of physiological changes. You can’t just put feet on a fish and expect it to be able to walk upright.

      • Phil
        Phil
        September 21, 2012, 10:22 am | # | Reply

        What wwlaos said. Land Sharks would have to have evolved a thicker, possibly 100% calcium-based spine in order to walk upright.

  6. Bob
    Bob
    September 21, 2012, 12:22 am | # | Reply

    Uh-oh…

  7. Asterai
    Asterai
    September 21, 2012, 12:23 am | # | Reply

    At this point, our sourcerer’s magic has completely and utterly backfired. Wow, just wow. He is going to have to severely adjust his strategy.

    • maggPi
      maggPi
      September 21, 2012, 4:11 pm | # | Reply

      And he’s bound to become even more sour; dour, even.

  8. biggmac
    biggmac
    September 21, 2012, 12:23 am | # | Reply

    One bough to rule B’ial,
    One bough Tectonicus-finder,
    One bough yoinked by Syr
    And in her madness, blind her…

    Syr’Nj! Drop the ring into the lav- …umm, I mean, the stick to the ground!

    • Bliggz
      Bliggz
      September 21, 2012, 12:38 am | # | Reply

      …then Byron is zapped, left in nothing but a loin cloth and starts rambling about “the precious”

      • Andreas
        Andreas
        September 21, 2012, 2:30 am | # | Reply

        No, Byron goes to grab it off her, but then she bites off his Bough and tumbles to a fiery death.

        • Just Visiting
          Just Visiting
          September 22, 2012, 2:23 pm | # | Reply

          The idea of somebody biting off my Bough makes me shudder.

        • Mujaki
          Mujaki
          September 22, 2012, 6:18 pm | # | Reply

          No, no. There would be fiery death if Tectonicus had been summoned. Instead, they’re going to fall into a big pile of leaves.

  9. 1d4caltrop
    1d4caltrop
    September 21, 2012, 12:57 am | # | Reply

    Sparkle mace is sparkley. And FABULOUS!

    • Nobbynob Littlun
      Nobbynob Littlun
      September 24, 2012, 1:29 pm | # | Reply

      Appropriate avatar is appropriate

  10. Valdrax
    Valdrax
    September 21, 2012, 1:25 am | # | Reply

    Gee, I hope there’s no negative ramifications of telling that secret to all of their most feared, rapacious enemies.

    Oh, and to to the World’s Rebellion too.

    • centuriancode
      centuriancode
      September 21, 2012, 1:29 am | # | Reply

      I think they already knew.

      • Andreas
        Andreas
        September 21, 2012, 2:32 am | # | Reply

        They didn’t.
        Anyway, she’s making it real. If they thought they just had a happy happy joy joy land, that will change. They have to realize that they only even exist due to the stick; so they’ve got to start taking its defense seriously.

        • ahdok
          ahdok
          September 21, 2012, 5:53 am | # | Reply

          They could set up a special task force to guard it day in and day out. I’d call it, the Order of the Stick.

          • centuriancode
            centuriancode
            September 21, 2012, 6:17 am | # | Reply

            …

            You’d give something that powerful to Elan to look after?

        • centuriancode
          centuriancode
          September 21, 2012, 6:17 am | # | Reply

          Hang on, the World’s Rebellion didn’t already know (even though they were talking about the importance of the bough, and not just for summoning Tectonicus), or the elves didn’t know (even though they were also talking about the bough, and with no awareness of summoning Tectonicus)?

          English grammar is annoyingly ambiguous.

    • ahdok
      ahdok
      September 21, 2012, 3:50 am | # | Reply

      Worst. Agony Aunt. Ever.

    • Eilonthay
      Eilonthay
      September 21, 2012, 4:31 pm | # | Reply

      Syr’nj Syr’nj Syr’nj!…..are you sure you should have broadcast that tiny little detail about an irreplaceable artifact being the thing that keeps the forest chugging along when the enemy is invading? Unless, y’know, you’re possessed by said branch and then that’s totally okay ’cause *obviously* the branch knows what it’s doing, right? Right? Yeah, right, everything is completely under control, nothing to see here. Move along, move along. No, no pictures allowed.

  11. centuriancode
    centuriancode
    September 21, 2012, 1:28 am | # | Reply

    The image of the vines forming giant, ent-like hands in the first panel is simply beautiful.

    • Llama118
      Llama118
      September 21, 2012, 1:57 am | # | Reply

      Hands? Are you sure you ent just seeing things?

      • centuriancode
        centuriancode
        September 21, 2012, 6:18 am | # | Reply

        My eyesight is just vine. Those are totally phlange-like growths.

  12. Psychotic_Serpent
    Psychotic_Serpent
    September 21, 2012, 2:08 am | # | Reply

    I blame that guy for all of this happening.
    II
    II
    II
    II
    V

  13. Darkrider
    Darkrider
    September 21, 2012, 3:21 am | # | Reply

    Frigg: OHHHH FUCKSHITEWEGONNADIENOW!!

  14. The Indomitable Eric
    The Indomitable Eric
    September 21, 2012, 3:38 am | # | Reply

    Bitches be crazy, yo.

    • Phil
      Phil
      September 21, 2012, 10:25 am | # | Reply

      Birches be crazy, yo.

      FTFY.

      • ahdok
        ahdok
        September 21, 2012, 11:36 am | # | Reply

        That’s my name, don’t wear it out :)

        • Valdrax
          Valdrax
          September 21, 2012, 2:20 pm | # | Reply

          Your parents must hate you.

          (So, is that ffft-fie, fff-tff-ee, or just “fifty?”)

      • The Indomitable Eric
        The Indomitable Eric
        September 22, 2012, 9:29 am | # | Reply

        Oak-A, you got me.

  15. ahdok
    ahdok
    September 21, 2012, 3:51 am | # | Reply

    No! don’t go towards the light!

  16. Miyaa
    Miyaa
    September 21, 2012, 4:15 am | # | Reply

    Clearly this is…Gang Green Style!

    • Scrunchy
      Scrunchy
      September 21, 2012, 11:09 am | # | Reply

      op, op-op op-op, oppa Gang Green style!

      • maggPi
        maggPi
        September 21, 2012, 4:41 pm | # | Reply

        The Gang Green Gang says “‘Sa’right.”

    • Just Visiting
      Just Visiting
      September 22, 2012, 2:22 pm | # | Reply

      Better hope the World’s Rebellion is taking good care of their wounded, otherwise it’ll be Gangrene Style in their camp.

  17. Randonimity
    Randonimity
    September 21, 2012, 4:57 am | # | Reply

    But the light… it burrrrrrns.

  18. Fren
    Fren
    September 21, 2012, 7:24 am | # | Reply

    Druids, man. Always so judgemental.

    • Taxil Necrobane
      Taxil Necrobane
      September 21, 2012, 9:52 am | # | Reply

      That’s why i roll up a priest. the holy spec is better at healing.

      • Psychotic_Serpent
        Psychotic_Serpent
        September 21, 2012, 10:54 am | # | Reply

        Nah dude, a warrior with some bandages is good enough.

        • maggPi
          maggPi
          September 21, 2012, 4:51 pm | # | Reply

          Hmm… Brings to mind this scenario;

          (at screaming wounded) “Tell me where it hurts.”
          -screaming continues-
          “Sir, can you show me where it hurts?”
          -still screaming, starts to writhe-
          “Sir; I’ve got some bandages. I can make it better.”
          -screaming continues-
          -screaming abruptly stops-
          (passing field medic inspects patient) “Soldier, I hardly think wrapping gauze around the patient’s mouth to stop the screaming counts as ‘making it better.'”

      • Veggieburrito
        Veggieburrito
        September 21, 2012, 1:57 pm | # | Reply

        Agreed. Holy Priests rock.

  19. Jean-Luc
    Jean-Luc
    September 21, 2012, 7:47 am | # | Reply

    Hey Syr, don’t dis the bough.

  20. Aazen
    Aazen
    September 21, 2012, 8:03 am | # | Reply

    In Soviet Russia, The Bough breaks you!

    • Scrunchy
      Scrunchy
      September 21, 2012, 11:10 am | # | Reply

      I vill crush you! – Bough

  21. Connie
    Connie
    September 21, 2012, 10:15 am | # | Reply

    Syr’Nj: Sorry guys, cat stepped on the capslock button…

    • Psychotic_Serpent
      Psychotic_Serpent
      September 21, 2012, 10:53 am | # | Reply

      Frigg: I GLUED DOWN MY CAPSLOCK BUTTON BECAUSE CAPS ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

    • ahdok
      ahdok
      September 21, 2012, 1:20 pm | # | Reply

      Like this

  22. Seggs
    Seggs
    September 21, 2012, 12:37 pm | # | Reply

    =( i hope penk is ok

  23. Elihias
    Elihias
    September 21, 2012, 12:55 pm | # | Reply

    I wanted to make some pithy comment,
    perhaps to make light of the situation.

    Manfred Mann’s ‘Blinded by the Light’
    seems to offer some possibilities, but
    nothing seems to have bloomed.

    Eli…
    Eli…

  24. Robtimus
    Robtimus
    September 21, 2012, 3:17 pm | # | Reply

    This makes me wonder what would have been the result of summoning Tectonicus, particularly for the World’s Rebellion. I’m sure any wood elf you asked up until now would have thought it a brilliant idea to summon Graiya.

    • maggPi
      maggPi
      September 21, 2012, 4:57 pm | # | Reply

      Heh. And I guess it’s more likely we’re gonna see Graiya in the tags before Tectonicus, after all.

  25. maggPi
    maggPi
    September 21, 2012, 5:02 pm | # | Reply

    AHH! I just noticed: Someone put Auraugu’s mask back on! Does that mean he’s merely wounded and he put it on himself? Or that he’s so ugly that someone did it for him?

    • biggmac
      biggmac
      September 21, 2012, 9:40 pm | # | Reply

      Hello maggPi!
      I don’t think that’s Awroogoo; he’s got shoulder armor that I never saw on the fuzzy people’s champion.

  26. dr pepper
    dr pepper
    September 22, 2012, 1:52 am | # | Reply

    She’s going to Final Strike the bough, destroying the enemy and the forest together, and requiring the wood elves to go get real jobs. Meanwhile, in the outworld, the sudden deletion of graiyabough.dll further destablizes the system.

  27. Steel
    Steel
    September 22, 2012, 3:52 am | # | Reply

    I love the alt text, as usual.

  28. █████
    █████
    September 23, 2012, 5:21 am | # | Reply

    So, just to be clear here:
    Are we seeing Graiya’s Bough of Ire?

  29. MC
    MC
    September 23, 2012, 12:19 pm | # | Reply

    This is by far the most enjoyable comic to read alongside with its comments. I suck at puns, so I just read. But – had to express my appreciation. Y’all rock.

  30. A random human
    A random human
    September 28, 2012, 2:47 am | # | Reply

    First panel : Are they savage races being routed by Graiya’s Bough/Syr’Nj ?

  31. Speedy
    Speedy
    December 3, 2018, 8:37 am | # | Reply

    ♪ Let it go, let it go,
    Can’t hold you back anymore ♪

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Guilded Age is co-written by T Campbell & Phil Kahn, and illustrated by John Waltrip. Site design by Samantha Kyle. Fonts by Blambot.com.
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